HARDWOOD RECORD 



II 



Verts Pertinent and Impertinent. 



The New Spring Shades. 



She wore a filmy champayno fiown. 

 And deep red cherries on her hat. 



Wine-colored gloves, slioes sherry brown. 

 While claret was each dainty spat. 



Her face was olive, and her hair 

 True amber of the lager tint ; 



She was right portly, and her rare 

 Surtout was colored like the mint. 



A chartreuse ribbon bound her throat — 

 For r.ll the Rhenish shades she hates— 



As down the street she seems to float 

 Small wonder she intoxicates. 



Keep A-Pushing, 

 One step won't take you very far ; 



You've got to keep on walking. 

 One word won't tell folks all you are ; 



You've got to keep on talking. 

 One inch won't make you very tall ; 



You've got to keep on growing. 

 One little "ad." won't do it all : 



You've got to keep "em going. 



The Uhiquitous Maxy. 

 Mary had a liltle h'ar : 

 Its fur was black as night : 

 And everywhere (hat Mary went 

 He kept her riglit in sight. 

 He followed her to school one day, 

 Which was agin' the rule. 

 An' kase the teacher raised a row 

 He et the blamed old fool. 

 "What makes the b'ar love teacher so^ 

 The happy school kids cried. 

 A voice within the b'ar returned, 

 "You'll have to ask inside." 



Not Satisfactory. 



When a man lives 

 beyond his income, 

 the outcome is cer- 

 tain to be unsatisfac- 

 torv. 



Certain. 



If the world really 

 owed every man a 

 living it would long 

 ago have been bank- 

 rupt. 



True. 



A man who has 

 pride in earning more 

 than he gets is usual- 

 ly the man that gets 

 the most. 



Modesty. 



Modesty is a ster- 

 ling quality, but it 

 doesn 't always get 

 what you want. 



Lucky. 



One who can ex- 

 tract amusement out 

 of his labors is in- 

 deed fortunate. 



Good for a Time. 



Every man's word 

 is good until you 

 hear the other chap's 

 storv. 



Different. 



Ambition should 

 not be confounded 

 with greed. 



Time to Change. 



When you can't 

 find a good word to 

 say about your em- 

 ployer or employ- 

 ment, it is a good 

 time to find another 

 boss or another job. 



Just Room for the New Recruits. 



The Driver: For Heaven's sake, boys, don't fall out and yon'll be all rig-ht 



Not Certain. 

 Don't think that 

 because one of the 

 participants in a row 

 is wrong, the other ia 

 altogether right. 



Things to Avoid. 



Abuse and flattery 

 are two things one 

 should avoid. 



Notoriety. 



Some people for- 

 ever mistake notori- 

 ety for fame. 



Very Busy. 



It 's a pretty busy 

 man who is too busy 

 to stop to go to a dog 



Opportunity. 



Opportunity makes 

 the man — after the 

 man has made the 

 opportunity. 



Greatness and Egot- 

 ism. 

 Greatness may 

 doubt its own import- 

 ance,' but egotism 

 uever does. 



Respect. 



The man who com- 

 mands the most re- 

 spect has the least 

 thought of himself. 



Not Always. 



When we are happy 

 we are always good; 

 but when we are good 

 we are not always 

 happy. 



Good Start. 

 Dollars and sense 

 constitute a good 

 start in life. 



Isn't He? 

 Isn't the man with a thousand a year, 

 who saves a part of it, better off than the 

 man who makes five thousand and spends 

 it all? 



Does He Not? 

 A man with a million may not be a suc- 

 cess, but the fellow without a dollar looks 

 suspiciously like a failure. 



Not to be Expected. 

 It's not to be expected that your friends 

 will do more for you than you are willing 

 to do for yourself. 



Alike. 

 A damaged reputation is like a con- 

 demned boiler — after it's overhauled many 

 people are suspicious of it. 



Can't They, Though? 



A niuety-eight-pound lump of feminine 

 loveliness can make a two-hundred-pound 

 man look like a nickel's worth of lard in a 

 paper sack. 



Men and Women. 

 Women are pictures, men are problems; 

 if you want to know what a woman really 

 means look at her, don't listen to her. 



