HARDWOOD RECORD 



13 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Take Things as They Come. 



I'll tako tlio yoiid the soils iiii.vidi' 



W'liilL' I'm on duty hen- ; 

 111 walk, or in my lariiage ride. 



And all with equal cheer. 

 I like things smooth, hut I'll not sigh 



If tliey'i-e a trifle rough : 

 If I fan do no better, why. 



I'll do with good enough. 



Different Animals. 



A friend I loaned some luoiu-y to — 

 lie slapped my hack with force, 

 Itehearseri my virtues tearfully, 

 Hut kept my money cheerfully. 

 And called me "good old horse." 



Hut when I asked my money back, 



\ wonder came to pass, 

 lie looked at me regretfully. 

 .\nd started rather fretfull.v 



To calling me an "ass." 



St. Peter's Opinion, 



A marrieil man to heaven went : 



St. I'eter opened wide tlie gate ; 

 "Recause." he said, "a married man 



Has stiffered torments very great." 

 The next man said "I must come in 



As I on earth was married twice." 

 St. Peter said : "Get out. you stiff 1 



We'll have no fools in paradise." 



Not Too Sure. 

 Be sure you are 

 right — but don 't be 

 too sure that every- 

 body else is -wrong. 



Best Policy. 



The best policy is 

 paid up life insur- 

 :;neo. 



New Version, 



A ilollar in your 

 liand is vi-orth two 

 loaned to a friend, 



A 'Will. 



Where there's a 

 ■will there 's a soft 

 spot for the lan'A-ers. 



Table Manners. 



Soup s h o n 1 il lie 

 seen and not liearil. 



A Word to the Wise. 



A word to the wise 



man vpho kno^ws it all 



is a dangerous thing. 



Al'ways Late, 



There are lots of 

 people who would be 

 late even if time and 

 tide did wait for 

 them. 



Quite So. 



Even a silver dol 

 iar is so heavy that 

 it 's hard for some 

 men to raise. 



Better Part, 



Indiseretion is the 

 better part of valor. 



Surely, 



Nothing will be 

 well done that you 

 do yourself if you 

 don 't know how to 

 do it. 



ANOTHER FREIGHT RATE PROBLEM 



ASK THE 



SCONTINENTAL FREIGHT ASSOCIATION. 



Want Change. 



Some men thin k 

 that when their wives 

 attain the age of 

 forty, they should be 

 entitled to secure 

 change as they would 

 from a bill of large 

 dimensions, i. e., get 

 two twenties for their 

 forty. 



Afraid. 



A woman who 

 makes light of love is 

 like a child that sings 

 in the dark wheu 

 afraid. 



The Reason. 



Many a man leads 

 a ' ' chaste ' ' life — 

 when pursued by a 

 yicious dog. 



True. 



The greatest of 

 faults is to be con- 

 scious of none. 



That's the Point, 



Perhaps all m e n 

 are born free and 

 equal, but it's pretty 

 hard to keep some of 

 them in that condi- 

 tion. 

 Strange and Stranger. 



What a strange 

 thing is man — but 

 how much stranger is 

 woman. 



Is It the Song? 



Odd it is that the 

 soug a woman sings 

 that puts a whole 

 audience to sleep only 

 brings forth louder 

 wails from the baby. 



Some Do, 



The average man judges all other 

 women by his wife; but a woman judges her 

 husband by the worst she hears about other 

 men. 



A Suggestion. 



If prosperity begins to wane, let your 

 wife take care of the pocket-book; she may- 

 have more of a business head than you 

 think. 



Would It Not? 



What a delightful world this would be if a 

 man 's f rieiids were half as glad to see him 

 on his return from a month's trip as he 

 thinks they ought to be. 



Too Often. 



Elbert Hubbard says: "Lend some men 

 a helping hand and they take it for a li- 

 cense to pull your leg." 



Don't Be Jealous. 



It is foolish to be jealous of a competitor; 

 remember that superior goods will always 

 find a market. 



Perseverance, 



Although "stiektoitiveness" is a home- 

 ly, bungling word, it means success in ad- 

 vertising. Keep everlastingly at it. 



