12 



THE HARDWOOD RECORD. 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



On Booming Prices. 

 Remember, lumberman, I beg, 

 The fowl tbat laid tbe golden egg ; 

 Kill the goose and do not wonder 

 If your eggs have gone to thunder ! 



For the Young and 

 Fair, 

 Bok in the Ladies' 

 Home Journal says, 

 "No young woman 

 stenographer should 

 accept an invitation 

 to dine with her em- 

 ployer. ' ' Of course 

 no old woman would 

 get an invitation. 



A Hoo-Hoo Conundrum. 



Why is it that the Hoo-Hoo cat 

 Makes discord when he sings? 



Because the horrid Hoo-Hoo cat 

 Is filled with fiddle strings. 



Inspection at the Huh, 



Boston survey, so they say, 

 Is a mystery in its way: 

 When the scheme is fully solved 

 Another one is then evolved. 



THE LUMBER CONVENTION SEASON. 



Don't Be Bigoted. 



It is always well to 

 ascertain the otlier 

 fellow 's point of 

 view. The man with 

 iyspepsia may have 

 good cause for finding 

 fault with his dinner. 



Lumber Barons Ex- 

 cepted. 



Some rich men iiiakc 

 you realize what a 

 poor opinion the Al- 

 mighty must have of 

 money. 



Booming Prices, 



It is possible to 

 boost lumber prices 

 too high. It's the 

 wise poker player who 

 knows enough to 

 "call" at the right 

 time. 



Own Up. 



Pope is the au- 

 thority for the re- 

 mark that a niiui 

 should never be 

 ashamed to own he 

 has been in the wrong, 

 which is but saying 

 that he is wiser to- 

 day than he was yes- 

 terday. 



g)® ®"irws»S osfofse 

 vesa 



In Confidence, 

 "Papa, is hemlock 

 a hard wood?" 



"Yes, son, it is, 

 but for heaven 's sake 

 don't tell that red- 

 headed hemlock man 

 Osborne, over in Wis- 

 consin, I told you. ' ' 



Wife: "You came home so tired from last year's convention that I was hound you shonld 

 never go ag'ain; but tbe HARDWOOD RECORD says it's your duty to cfo and I want 

 you to do your duty, John." 



Good Sense. 



The Indiana Hard- 

 wood Lumbermen 's 

 Association has prac- 

 tically gone on record 

 in advocacy of uni- 

 versal inspection for 

 American hardwoods. 

 Let the sensible move- 

 ment be pushed to 

 consummation. 



How He Did It. 



(•( 



omniencing 



to 



learn the lumber bnsi- 

 ness by piling slabs 

 would not appeal to 

 tlie average young 

 man as presenting 

 many probabilities of 

 ultimate success, but 

 that is the way Fred- 

 erick Weyorliaeuser 

 began, and he cannot 

 bo counted as a rank 

 failure. 



Which? 



It is a question 

 whether tlie Persian 

 |)hilosopher referred to 

 lumbermen or lum- 

 ber newspaper editors 

 when he said: "Very 

 few know how much 

 they must know in or- 

 der to know how little 

 they know." 



Evidence Constituting Proof. 

 The H.VK1)W(KJD KF.i'dKij is indebted to a 

 hardwood lumberman for the following, and 

 if the Editor didn't know him he woidd tell 

 his name and why he knows: 



When yrnn- heels fall hard 



And your head feels queer, 

 And your thoughts rise up 



Like the froth on beer. 

 And your knees are weak 



And your voice Is strong 

 And you laugh all night 



At some darned fool song — 

 You're drunk be gad I You're drunk ! 



Scarcity of Hickory. 

 The area of hickory in commercial quanti- 

 ties in the United States is now practically 

 reduced to three states. The great shortage 

 of the wood will of necessity mean one or 

 two things — either a marked advance in price 

 and a corresponding increase in the price of 

 vehicles, or the use of some other wood. 

 Substitutes for most all purposes where wood 

 has grown scarce, have been devised, but the 

 student of timber is still at a good deal 



of a loss to even suggest a possible substi- 

 tute for second growth hickory for vehicle 

 making purposes. 



Buffalo's Badly Warped Stock. 

 There w-as a crooked bunch 



Who loved a crooked deal. 

 And they hoped to make a million 



By a crooked little steal : 

 But they found the crooked path 



Much harder than they thought. 

 For a straight crowd barred the way 



And their labor came to naught. 



