H 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Strode's Stuff. 



Square-Edged, Knobby Thoughts. 



I intend to tell you what I have been 

 thinking about. Now before we get down 

 to business where it will make your head 

 ache to follow me, I want to tell you of a 

 few things that have happened that 1 

 haven't been thinking about. They will 

 probably be of more interest to you than 

 the things I have been thinking about. 

 Having a brain of such inferior quality, as 

 I explained to you a fortnight ago, when I 

 think deeply on any subject — such as a 

 check perforator — I am liable to get 

 twisted. This thing of thinking great, 

 square-edged, knobby thoughts is hard 

 work, and not to be indulged in even by mo 

 — on all occasions. 



These things happened without my giv- 

 ing them any particular thought. They just 

 slipped .out, as it were, which was just as 

 well, for thereby I escaped responsibility. 

 I cannot be responsible if things happen 

 which I have not seriously considered, but 

 once I have given any subject my usunl 

 amount of thought, I will bet my life on the 

 conclusions reached. 



Highei Prices. 



For instance, I have made up my mind that 

 lumber is going up. I did this after a care- 

 ful consideration of all surrounding cir- 

 cumstances. The war in Asia, the liability 

 of tariff revision, the depth of the snow- 

 fall, all have a bearing on the price of lum- 

 ber. All must be considered, all have been. 

 The conclusion I have reached is that the 

 year 1905 is to be a cracker-jack. And 

 once I have reached a conclusion and have 

 based a prediction thereon, I am not easily 

 discouraged. I shall continue to predict 

 higher prices until we have them. I am not 

 like the woman I read about in a news- 

 paper, who became discouraged and com- 

 mitted suicide because her second child 

 (only her second, mind you) was a girl and 

 not a boy. 



If at first you don't succeed, try, try 

 again. In this connection I am reminded 

 of a beautiful poem which starts — 



uh, do not be discouraged, 

 For Jesus is your friend. 



I know a good deal of poetry, but most 

 of it is in snatches like this, that I culled 

 when a boy from the songs we used to sing 

 and poems we used to recite. Some of them 

 are very clear to my mind today. One, I 

 remember, was about John Reed, Esq. I do 

 not know if he had any middle initial, and 

 one of the rules of the new office is to al- 

 ways give a man's full name and to sparo 

 neither lime nor expense to get it right. 

 I do not know what his middle initial was, 

 and am not certain that he had a middle 

 name at all, but I'll tell you a secret, if 

 you'll promise yon won't tell anyone; some- 

 times when I don't know your first or mid- 

 dle name I fake one ^' the other or both. 



You don 't expert me to tear up the earth 

 to find out what your middle name is, do 

 you? Of course not. And, besides, I am 

 liable to lose my train of thought. So I go 

 right along and give you enough initials 

 to keep peace in the family. 



For instance, if Billy Smith, formerly of 

 Cairo, but now of Memphis, comes to town, 

 I can 't have it printed that way — not at all. 

 And it won't do to call him Mr. Smith. 

 That doesn't go any more. I've got to dig 

 around and learn his initials and then say 

 "W. E. Smith, the prominent lumberman 

 of Memphis, etc." Now, if you get a few 

 more initials than you are entitled to, you'll 

 know it 's my fault. And the first time we 

 meet I'll square myself if I can. If I 

 can't we'll have to go to the mat together. 

 I'll give j'ou fair warning, however, I'm a 

 terrible scrapper when I get a-going. That's 

 right. Ask Harry Saxton. 



Of course, if you want to act ugly about 

 it, and come in and kick, and get it cor- 

 rected, I'll just have to say that I thought 

 that was your name. I am an awful liar 

 when I get cornered. 



But to return to the quotation that I was 

 going to make, slightly altered to suit the 

 inflexible rule of the new paper, it is as fol- 

 lows: 



I will not chew tobacco. 



Said little John R. Reed. 

 I will not chew tobacco. 

 For it is a nasty weed. 



I gave this Eeed the middle initial R 

 because while there is no rule for giving a 

 middle name, almost everybody called John 

 is also called John R. I am liable to get 

 my quotations mixed. After the war patri- 

 otic songs had a great vogue and were much 

 taught in the schools. Now I was consid- 

 erable of a singer in those days, or thought 

 I was, which amounts to the same thing. 

 Pianos and classical music are all right for 

 the kids, but when I can get my wife seated 

 at the old organ and she gets out the old 

 songs, we can cut the mustard yet. The 

 kids make a good deal of fun of us, but wo 

 are suited, you bet your life. Give me the 

 old tunes and the old songs and the old 

 friends — but there, there; I must be getting 

 old. I remember hearing my grandfather 

 talk that way when he was upward of 

 ninet}'. 



In the old days there was but one singing 

 book in the room and the school teacher had 

 that. He would sing the songs and the rest 

 of us were expected to catch on somehow. 

 And I did. I was a loud and joyous singer 

 in those days. I opened my mouth and let 

 her go. One of the songs I remember was — 



Upon the field we're watching 

 With the enemy In view 



That's right. That's correct. But I'll 

 tell you another secret. For seven years in 

 school I sang it — \ 



t'pon the field we're watching 

 With the "end of me" In view. 



And the picture conjured up before my 

 youthful mind was that of a man with gray 

 whiskers and a Grand Army hat, camped 

 out beneath the cold, cold stars. He was 

 lying on the ground with a horse blanket 

 over him, the blanket was too short, and his 

 bare feet were exposed to the weather. 

 How else could the "end of me" be in 

 view? It is only of late years that I have 

 learned the correct version of that song, and 

 that man with the Grand Army hat and the 

 short horse blanket will abide with me, T 

 reckon, forever. 



Adaptability of Man. 



I haven't touched on a single thing I 

 intended to touch on and I'm getting short 

 of room. Oh, well, the world wasn't built 

 in a day. We '11 get around to it sometime, 

 and it won 't make any difference if we 

 don't. 



This thing of working to a rule I never 

 could stand. A man must have adaptabil- 

 ity. This morning coming . down on the 

 street car I made up my mind to call on 

 George Stoneman and Clarence Boyle. That 

 appeared to me a nice easy day's work. 



"When I got to the ofiice, however, 1 

 learned that it was 12 degrees below zero 

 and getting colder, and I flinched. It didn't 

 seem so very cold until I saw a thermometer, 

 then I nearly froze. I concluded it would 

 be easier and a good deal warmer to call 

 the gentlemen up over the telephone. 1 

 located Stoneman on the west side and Boyle 

 on the south side, at their yards, and as 

 both were coming down town and I had a 

 little matter of advertising to talk over 

 with them I invited them to run in and see 

 mo, but Stoneman didn't come. He should 

 have. He missed a golden opportunity, for 

 I had made provision to pay for the lunch. 



Clarence came in about noon. Cold 

 weather has no terrors for him. He re- 

 newed his advertisement and never turned 

 1 hair. It came too easy; it was like taking 

 money from the blind. He seemed vexed 

 that I had bothered him about a little thing 

 like that. He didn't listen to half my 

 story, and I have the most interesting story 

 concerning the new Hjikdwood Record that 

 you ever heard. I 'II be around and tell it 

 to you ere many moons have waxed and 

 waned. 



Clarence left for the north pier to dig an 

 order out of the snow and I had to put in 

 the daj- writing the foregoing stuff. It is 

 rightly named. 



Hero I have written three columns of stuff 

 and haven't said a thing, and you have read 

 it, and are no better off than you were be- 

 fore. You don't know any more. You 

 have not added to your stock of knowledge 

 a particle. I am only writing this to string 

 out and fill a few more lines. We haven't 

 room for anything serious in this issue, but 

 we will begin on something right before 

 long. There is an awful lot going on that 

 needs attention and I fear if something is 

 not said about it, the world may go astray. 

 CuARLES D. Strode. 



