TTARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent, 



Thore A"e Crhsrs. 

 Said a Rooster. "I'd have you all know 

 1 am nearly the whole o£ the show : 

 Why the sun every morn 

 <Tets up with tne dawn. 

 For the purpose of hearing me crow !" 



— The I.ijikkicic Book. 



The Forest. 



There stood a forest on the mountain's brow. 

 \\'hich overlooked the shaded plains below : 

 No sounding ax presumed these trees to bite, 

 Coeval with the world : a venerable sight. 



— Drydex. 



A Sad Story. 

 There was a fair maid named O'Xeil 

 Who went up in the great Ferris Wheel ; 

 On the thirty-first round 

 She looked down at the ground — 

 .\i;d it cost her an eighty-cent meal. 



— A Sick Poet. 



A Foolish Conundnun 

 If Jesse Thompson 

 is a lineal descendant 

 of Cleopatra, what 

 relation is John Wil- 

 liams to Noah Web- 

 ster's spelling book 

 for advanced pupils? 



HOW IT LOOKS TO THE MAN UP A TREE. 



The Real Test. 



What a man says 

 or does is often an 

 uncertain test of what 

 he is. It is the way 

 in trhicli he says or 

 does it that furnishes 

 the best index or his 

 character. 



Should Make a Dry 

 Bed. 



It is alleged that 

 from oak beams that 

 have been in use a 

 thousand years at the 

 Bhie Bell Inn, at Bed- 

 lingtoii, England, a 

 suite of handsome fur- 

 niture has been made. 



An Every-Day Occur- 

 rence. 

 Salesman : ' ' T h !e 

 Jones Furnituje 



the 



a half 



of oak 



seconds. 



can I 



'How 

 will 

 the 



Company is 

 market for 

 million feet 

 firsts and 

 What price 

 nnote them?" 



The Boss : ' 

 much common 

 they stand in 

 grade?" 



Salesman: "I don't 

 know. " 



The Boss: "You're 

 not onto your job; 

 "et all your facts be- 

 fore you ask me to 

 make prices for 



TOU." 



National Hardwood Association Man— I believe in peace and uniform hardtrood 



inspection. 

 Hardwood Manufacturers' Association Man — I am an advocate of harmony and 



universal hardwood inspection. 

 Consumer — I am not so much interested in your proposed love feast as I am in 



rules for a base of universal inspection, but from my point of view I suspect 



you fellows are fooling. 



Sure Thing. 

 All things come to 

 liini who waits — on 

 himself. 



Yet They Do It. 



Where ignorance 

 is bli.-^s 'tis folly to 

 buy an encyclopedia 

 on the installment 

 plan. 



Being 



Better Than 

 Good. 



Being good is all 

 right enough, but be- 

 ing good for some- 

 thing is of more im- 

 portance. 



Elbert Hubbard's 

 Philosophy. 

 Both tlie good that 

 a man can do you, and 

 the evil he can inflict 

 upon you are much 

 over-estimated. 



Did It Ever Occur to 

 You? 



It's not the dinner 

 he eats that fatters 

 the man ; it 's know- 

 ing wliere tomorrow 's 

 dinner is to come 

 from. 



Not on Deck. 



The man who is al- 

 ways talking about 

 the " good 1 d 

 times" admits that 

 at the present mo- 

 ment he is under the 

 wagon with the dog. 



An Up-to-Date Toast. 

 The following toast was given by a Boston 

 hardwooil lumberman at a recent Hoc Hoo 

 ' ' on the roof, ' ' and considering the source, 

 if must be a new one: 



Here's to the turkey when you're hungry, 



rhampagne when you are dry. 

 A prert.v woman when yon love her. 

 And hea\en when you die. 



The Past and Future. 



Here's a health to the future. 



A si;h for the past. 

 We can love and reipember. 



And hope to the last : 

 And for all the base lies. 



That the almanacs hold. 

 While there is love in the heart. 

 We can never grow old. 



An Old Toast. 



Allan O. Myers, a former editor of the 

 Cincinnati Inquirer, is credited as the author 

 of the following toast: 

 Here's to the four hinges of friendship. 

 Swearing. Lying. Stealing and Drinking : 

 When you swear, swear by your country ; 

 When you lie. lie for a pretty woman : 

 When you steal, steal away fr«'m bad company ; 

 And wiien you drink, drink with me I 



