HARDWOOD RECORD 



II 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Very Improper. 



A Sunday school maid of Oshkosh, 

 Astonished, ci-ied out. "Oh, by Gosh !" 



For up on the roof 



There was ocular proof 

 That some one had stolen the wash- 



Weight and Size. 

 You may gauge a man's weight 



By the girth of his vest ; 

 Hut the size of his heart 



Seldom's told by his chest. 



LOXGPELLOW'S PARDNER. 



O Fudge! 

 There was a young girl in Mt. Morris 

 Who said to her sweetheart, "O Horace, 



You may kiss me of course, 



But you've got to use force — 

 And, God knows, you are stronger than I am.' 



In the Lap of Spring. 



Nowhere does win- 

 ter do the "linger" 

 act in the lap of 

 spring more persis- 

 tently than in the 

 north woods. It 's 

 spring somewhere in 

 the open south of 

 Lake Superior, but 

 the woods of the 

 North are still deep 

 in soft snow. 



Those Big Things. 



Memphis is the 

 greatest hardwood 



manufacturing mar- 

 ket; St. Louis is the 

 greatest hardwood 

 distributing market ; 

 Chicago is the 

 greatest hardwood 

 consuming market ; 

 and Buffalo is about 

 to show Ihe world 

 that it is the greatest 

 hardwood hospitable 

 market. Now are you 

 all satisfied? 



The Long Way. 



' ' No man goes 

 further than the 

 man who doesn't 

 know where he is 

 going. ' ' — Cromwell. 



Quite True. 

 A woman 's supple 

 ment — the powder 

 rag. 



What's the Use? 



Why keep your 

 word? Are there not 

 plenty others to be 

 found in the diction- 

 ary? 



AS SEEN IN OGLE COUNTY. 



['"The Illinois Federation of Women's Club.s, comprisini; 'jes clubs, with a member- 

 ship of over '2,5,000, hi^ talien up us a paramount question of economics, of general wel- 

 iar<5 to the community, to as,'riiulture. to climate, health and continued prosperity and 

 advancement of our State, the matterof scientiflc forestry work" and has had introduced 

 in the Legislature a hill which nrovides tor the purchase of a pine tract in Ogle County 



One of the Deleg'ates— This wonld be a lovely location for a pine forest. 



The rarmer's 'Wife— My old man says that he don't know nuthin' 'bout this sile 

 raisin' pine trees, hut he does know it will g-row good corn and lots of it, and 

 ^vhen he kin git fifty cents a hushel for corn, he ain't goin' to take no chances 

 on rotatin' crops. 



A Good Way Off. 



Money talks all 

 right enough, but 

 when it deigns to 

 address the most of 

 us it is located at the 

 other end of a long- 

 distance telephone. 



Not in the Hoo-Hoo 

 Ritual. 

 Gossip gives many 

 a good name the tar 

 and feather degree. 



A Figurehead. 



A bookkeeper. 



They Like It. 



Many a consumer 

 refused for years to 

 have anything to do 

 with gum. The fact 

 is reminiscent of the 

 tenderfoot who asked 

 the Arizona barkeep 

 for a cocktail. A tin 

 cup and a jug were 

 promptly set out on 

 the bar, with the ob- 

 servation : ' ' Out here 

 you'll drink whiskey; 

 and you '11 drink 

 whiskey out of a tin 

 cup — and you 'II like 

 it! " 



The stranger ac- 

 cepted the suggestion, 

 and if he didn't like 

 it he didn 't say so. 



The consuming 

 trade has learned to 

 like gum. 



Learn the Fact Early, 

 He who imaginea he 

 can do without the 

 world deceive.s himself 

 much; but he who 

 fancies the world can- 

 not do without him is 

 still more mistaken. — 



ROCHErOUCALT. 



He Lost the Bet. 

 "I've & trunk that you cannot lift," said he. 



"Ha ! Ha !" smiled the baggage man. 

 "Lead on," he cried, "or stand aside — 



I'll bet you a dollar I can !" 



He followed fast, till they stopped at last ; 



"Now lift that trunk," said he : 

 But he lost his bet, for it stands there yet — 



The trunk of a poplar tree ! 



— Hartshorn's Roller. 



The Forest. 



The forest is like unto a spell woven m 

 shadow. As a black pearl is the shadow, 

 the forest its shell. The shadow is the soul. 

 Its ephemeral abode destroyed, it remounts 

 to the heavens from whence it came. 



Ineffable mystery of sunshine and shadow, 

 who among men is worthy to solve thee? 



and, e 'an the clothing of the trees returned 

 to leaf-mold — is it so pure that it may view 

 the passage of the soul from the shadow to 

 the light? and pure enough to recognize it? 



The forest is like unto a spell woven in 

 shadow. — From the French. 



' ' Put me off at Buffalo ' ' will be again in 

 fashion May 18 and 19. 



