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Peru Pertinent and Impertinent 



Those "Just as Good" Things 



There's one tUing very strange about 



Those substitutes for wood : 

 They all are advertised and sold 



As "something just as good." 

 But when it comes to testiug them, 



They fail to fill the bill : 

 And many times in accidents 



They torture, maim and kill. 



The eanthook is a most useful implement 

 around a sawmill. It is a handy thing with 

 which to fish sawlogs out of the pond, but you 

 can't hook a flsh with it. The pikepole also is 

 a useful article in river work, but it would be 

 utterly useless in fishing for a pike. 



Nevada 



Nevada, 'tis of thee, 

 Sweet State of Liberty, 



Of thee I sing. 

 State where our fathers flee ; 

 State that sets mothers free — 

 Marriage, because of thee. 



Hath lost its sting. 



Cfi icago liccoril-H fro !il. 



Still -Waiting 

 Little opera tickets. 

 Little supper-late 

 Make the young man's tailor 

 Wait and wait and wait. 



— Vhicdijn RfxnrihHrritlil. 



Opportunity 



I seek for none. ; 



I knock at no man's gate ; 

 I sit as one 



Enthroned in regal state. 



Ten thousand pass 



Unheeding me and mine ; 

 One kneels ; his glass 



I fill with magic wine. 



Avoiding Hasty Opinions 



Doctor : "I don't understand your case at all. 

 We must wait for the postmortem examination." 

 — Sourire. 



To get the benefit of a shade in price when 

 buying lumber, plank down your money. 



THE DEADLY PARALLEL 



'You missed me, and have saved my life." 



'The steel car has saved my life." 



Practical 



"Has that new play of yours a happy ending." 



"How can I tell," replied the manager, "until 

 1 balance up my books at the end of the season?" 

 — Washington Star. 



'Tis False 



"She claims she has a perfect alibi." 



"What is her alibi?" 



"She says that she can prove that at the time 

 the crime was committed her little girl was brush- 

 ing her hair." 



"That proves an alibi for her hair, but how 

 about herself?" — Houston Post. 



An appropriate present for a miser would be 

 a chest protector. 



Cumulative 



Little grains of short weight, 



Little crooked twists, 

 Fill the land with magnates 



And philanthropists. 



Sarcasm 



"I never judge a woman by her clothes," ob- 

 served Bilkins. "No," put in Mrs. B. sarcastic- 

 ally, "a man who gets to as many burlesque 

 shows as you do wouldn't." — Milu-aukee News. 



According to law a widow is entitled to her 

 third — but she usually has to hustle for him, 

 just as she did for her first and second. 



He Said No 



"Husband, why did you tell Mrs. Wombat 

 that I didn't play bridge?" 



"She didn't ask me if you played ; she asked 

 me if you knew how." — Courier-Journal. 



Extreme Case 



Jack — How very easily Kitty gets embarrassed. 

 Ever notice it? 



Tom — Oh, my, yes. Why, she'd blush crimson 

 if she saw a pile of undressed lumber. — Boston 

 'Transcript. 



The winter of a man's discontent arrives when 

 he begins to realize that it is more blessed to 

 give than to receive the resulting bills. 



