' vl >^;</^:o X>:^:-;v>.v■^h.!oio;x>v^u^;!;:!;N^-^>tf\:>x^■:li;:o;^mi^^>i^ 



Peru Pertinent and Impertinent 



Upset 

 Adown the stream of life, they said. 



Together peacefully they'd float ; 

 But, just as soon as they were wed. 



They both began to rock the boat. 



Kefinement of Ingratitude 

 "Republics are ungrateful. " said the ready- 

 made philosopher. 



"Perhaps," replied Mr. Chuggins : "but if you 

 want a taste of real ingratitude, take a party 

 of friends out for an automobile ride and listen 

 to their sarcastic remarks if you happen to 

 break down." — Wa^liiiujton Stdr. 



Oaks and Ads 



"Great oak.s from little acorns grow" 

 And furnish lots of lumber ; 

 And big ads first were small, you know. 

 So "don't forget the number." 



What He Had 



■■1 think the doctor is about tlirough with me. 

 Told me my ailment is practically cured." 



"What did you have?" 



"Three hundred dollars, originally." — Courier- 

 Joitnial. 



You can usually tell a thinker by the things 

 that make liim silent. 



The Wrong Word 

 When May boastingly informs me 



That she wears "imported dresses" 

 She would be, 1 think, more truthful 



To say this ; "Imported tresses." 



Quick at Figures 



Gladys — The manager at the l-'rivolity selected 

 twenty chorus girls in twenty minutes. 



Totty — My word! Isn't ho quick at figures? — 

 Ynriety Life. 



It is better to absorb knowledge than to have 

 it driven in. 



KNOWING "WHERE YOU ARE AT" 



The Pants Buttons that Keep the Trousers from Bagging. 



Quite Prepared 

 "What arc you doing, my pretty maid';" 

 "I'^n mii.sbing a niau, kind sir," she said. 

 "You'd belter be careful, my pretty maid." 

 Tm more, than seven, kind sir," she »uld. 

 "Is he going to marry you, my pret(j"j^piald'/ " 

 "I really don"t know, kind sir,"' she saKJ.' 

 "And what If he doesn't, my pretty maid";"" 

 '"I'll sue on his promise, sir," she said. 

 Has he got njiy money, my pretty maid?" 

 "lie luiH — at present — air," she said. 



— By La Touehe Hancock. 



—26— 



Wholly Innocent 

 The story is told by a traveling man of a 

 pretty young lady who stepped Into a music 

 store In Sprlnglhld, Mo., the other day. She 

 tripped up to the counter where a new clerk 

 was assorting music and In the sweetest tones 

 r.Kked : "Have you 'Kissed Me In the Moon- 

 light?' " The clerk turned half »"ay around and 

 answered : "It must have been the man at the 

 other counter; I've been here only a week." — 

 lltilfalo Commercial. 



Money Is the champion long dislanc 



iivliiL.r 



The Victor 

 ("assidy : "Ilarrlgan was around today brag- 

 gin' about th" b'atlu" be gev I'lnnegan last 

 Monda'." 



Last Monda'? Shui"e, lhat"s near a 

 'TIs a wonder he wasn't around 



Casey : 

 week ago 

 sooner." 



t'assld.v 



Aye I but it seems he only recovered 

 -VtilUnlic t^taudanl and 



from It this inornhi'." 

 Timta. 



Don't plant acorns today and expect them to 

 l>'' oak trees tomorrow. 



