Peru Pertinent and Impertinent 



Frost in the air, and breezes blowing 



Chill from the West at morn. 

 Crimson leaves on the maple glowing 



And gold of ripened corn. 

 Song of the crickets, gaily calling. 



And drone of laggard bees : 

 Seeds from a thousand seed-pods, falling 



Over a thousand leas. 

 Be glad my heart, and a song of cheer 

 <?lv3 to the world, when September's here. 



September 



Sunshine and moonshine, changed and altered, 



Haze over hill and lea, 

 Even song of the brook has faltered. 



Crooning on toward the sea. 

 Patter of nuts and acorns falling. 



Feast for the squirrels spread. 

 Quails in the distant stubble calling. 



And apples ripe and red. 

 MTiat if Winter is drawing near. 

 Earth's at her best, September's here. 



ONE ON HIM 



Perfume sweet where the wild grapes offer 



Wine that a king might praise, 

 Fruits of the year in an open coffer, 



Gift of the passing days. 

 Wake from your sleep, O, idle dreamer. 



Toiler, turn from your toil, 

 Follow the sumac's crimson streamer 

 Back to the wood and soil, 

 Steal one perfect day from a year 

 Of toil or dreaming, September's here. 



— L. M. Thornton, 



The Lumber Buyer (interrupting) 



The Salesman: No? 



The Lumber Buyer: A drum ain't a wind instrument, is it? 



I don't see any sense in calling a lumber salesman a lumber drummer. 



No Place for Spelling 

 Mother (looking over her boy's shoulder) : "Your 



spelling is perfectly terrible." 



Little Son : "That isn't a spellin' lesson. It's a 



composition." — Qood News. 



Her Health 



An old lady, really well, was always complain- 

 ing and "enjoying poor health," as she expressed 

 it. Her various ailments were to her the most 

 Interesting topic in the world. One day a neighbor 

 found her eating a hearty meal, and asked her 

 how she was. 



"Poor me," she sighed. "I feel very well, but 

 I .Hlways feel bad when I feel well, because I 

 know 1 am going to feel worse afterward." 



Often Noticeable 

 Women have no sense of humor, unless it is 

 in their choice of husbands. — Judge. 



Gallant Soul 



An old couple came from the country, with a 

 big basket of lunch, to see the circus. The lunch 

 was heavy. The old wife was carrying it. As 

 they crossed a street, the husband held out 'his 

 hand and said : 



"Gimme that basket. Hannah." 



The poor old woman surrendered the basket 

 with a grateful look. 



"That's real kind o' ye, Joshua," she quavered. 



"Kind !" grunted the old man. "I wuz afeared 

 ye'd git lost." — Argonaut. 



Beason Enough 



Most of us work like the Irishman who was 

 out in a pouring rain digging a ditch in the mud. 

 Asked why he was doing it. he replied. "Begorry, 

 T'm diggin' the ditch to earn money to buy bread 

 to give me strength to dig the ditch." 



No Comparison 



"That woman over there who talks so mucb 

 thinks she is a perfect well of wisdom." 



"Not much. Wells do dry up sometimes." 

 Particular 



After the teacher had recited "The Landing of 

 the Pilgrims," she requested each pupil to try to 

 draw from his or her imagination a picture of 

 Plymouth PiOck. 



Most Of them went to work at once, but one 

 little fellow hesitated, and at length raised his 

 hand. 



"Well, Willie, what is It?" asked the teacher. 



"Please, ma'am, do you want us to draw a 

 hen or a rooster?"' 



A Miss 



Being an old maid is like death by drowning,— 

 It's easy after you cease struggling. — "Dawn 

 O'Bara." 



— in~ 



