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Pertn Pertinent and Impertinent 



The Anglo-Militaut 

 "O. womaD. in our hours of ease. 

 Uncertain, coy and bard to please. 

 When pain and anguish wring the brow, 

 A ministering angel thou." 

 Thus sung the bard of Abbotsford ; 

 Had he beheld thee now — (O Lord!) 

 He would have changed his tune. I wot. 

 An angel thou? — uell, rather not I 

 To see thee stalking up the Strand, 

 A brickbat in that lily hand — 

 To hear thy hardened voice that erst 

 In softer tone our pain dispersed — 

 With mannish frock and frowning brow — 

 "Non angeli sed Angli" thou ; 

 We have reversed the pun. you see, 

 Made famous by St. Gregory. 



O. to behold those spirits rare 

 We entertained once — unaware I 



O. C, in Life. 



On the Wagon 



It's a long and lonesome ride 



On the wagon ; 

 And monotonous beside. 



On the wagon. 

 But you don't see cows with wings 

 Or a green giraffe that sings 

 Or a rattlesnake that stings 

 Or a pink bobcat that springs 

 Or a grizzly bear that clings 

 Or a thousand other things, ^ 



On the wagon. 



A Failure 



"How can I induce a suffragette to believe that 

 she doesn't want to vote?" 



"Marry her." 



"I've been married to her ten years." 



"Then divorce her and give some one else a 

 chance." 



Business Head 



"Open the window, waiter ; I am roasting." a 

 customer exclaimed who had just dined at a 

 iParis restaurant. 



"Shut it up, waiter, I am frozen," protested 

 a man who had just sat down. 



The waiter hesitated. The proprietor settled 

 the dispute at once. 



"Obey the customer who has not yet dined," 

 he said. — London Daily Mail. 



A Timely Hint 



Hens that will not lay may be put in cages and 

 taught to sing like canaries, although a song Is 

 less appreciated than an egg at breakfast time. 



Darkness 



A blockhead bit by fleas put out the light. 

 And, chuckling, cried : "Now you can't see to 

 bite :" 



THE LUMBERMAN CUBIST 



As depicted in drawing and verse by J. V. Hamilton 



'Tis told, a lumberman, there was, 



Who cut, SO long, square woods with saws, 



And strove to make, with all his might, 

 Boards, beams and blocks, ■with angles right. 



Till he became cubistic mad. 



So seized by this strange cubist fad. 



That houses, people, children, dogs. 



The trees, their limbs, their trunks and logs. 



Their leaves, and e'en the clouds on high. 

 Showed corners in the very sky. 



The distant hills, the rising sun. 

 In style, he has uniquely done. 



The line of beauty doth depart 

 From this, the cubist's view of art. 



All things he sees, no matter where. 

 Are shaped in forms of cube or square, 



And graceful curves of brush or pen, 

 Have gone, we hope, to come again. 



—17— 



