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:>aWi)t<i>^'Ui!^i) ;' 



Peru Pertinent and Impertinent 



How, Indeed? 



••Tbcj- thought more of the Legion of Ilouor 

 in the time of the first Xapoleon than ihey do 

 now." said a well-known Frenchman. '"The em- 

 peror one clay met an old. one-armed veteran. 



••'How did you lose your arm?' he asked. 



■' 'Sire, at Austerlitz.' 



"'And were you not decorated*;" 



" *Xo. sire.' 



" 'Then here is my cross for you : I mcko you 

 chevalier.' 



"'Your majesty names me chevalier because ^I 

 have lost one arm? What would your majesty 

 have done had I lost both arms?' 



" 'Oh. in that case I should have made you 

 officer of the Legion.* 



"Whereupon the old soldier immediately drew 



bis sword and cut off his other arm.*' 



There is no particular reason to uoubt this 

 story. The only question is, how did he do it ?— 

 lJvcnfbo<lt/'s Magazine. 



His Preference 



"Let's go into this department biore until the 

 shower is over." 



"I prefer this harness shop." said her hus- 

 band. "You won't see so many things you want." 

 — Courier-Joiirna}. 



Time to Get Up 



General — Iff; af past nine, ^ir 



Lodger — Good iieavens ! Why didn't you tell 

 me before? 



General — 3<'canse it wasn't, sir. — London 

 Opinion. 



Bluff 



"l think she will make a fine wife I have 

 been calling on her for several months now, 

 and nearly always find her darning one of her 

 father's socks." 



"That causht me, too, until I found out that 

 ii was always the same soek." 



Appropriate Greeting 



"When I passed Lucy's house yesterday she 

 gave me a salute strictly in keepins; with the 

 season." 



"What was it?" 



"A cool wave." — Baliimurc Aincrican. 



Enthusiasm and perseverance are necessary 

 for success. Without enthusiasm perseverance 

 I'ccomes drudgery. 



AMERICAN HARDWOODS 



I! 



0^i:-:M WMM W%mi 



ngo bixami' 

 taker askotl 



kcd ; 



Her Age 



Tho maiden lady of iiiKi'itaiu 

 very indignant when the census 

 lier age. 



"Bid yon =.ee the girls next door?" she 

 "the Hill twins?" 



"Certainly." replied the census man. 



"And did they tell you their age?" 



"Yes " 



"Well," she snapped as she shut the door in 

 his face. "I'm .iust as old as they are :" 



"Oh. very well," said the census man to 

 himself, and he wrote down in his hook : 



Jane Johnson — as old as the Hills. 



How He Found It 



"So you tlaim th" world is round," sneered 

 the skeptic. "How do you know that it is not 

 square?" 



"Because I have had loo many dealings wilh 

 if." grimly repliod Columbus. — Iloiiilii Timis- 

 Vuioti. 



No Wonder 



.\ wealthy Semitic morcbaut was visiting in 

 ralestine and, wishing to be takrn out on the 

 water where Christ had walked out to meet the 

 disciples, asked of Ite bcatman how much ii 

 would cost. 



"Twenty-five cents." was the answer. 



Oak Still Occupies the Entire King Row 



The mcL-tbant w-as rowed to the middle of the 

 l.-ike and told that that was the place. After 

 boking at the water for awhile, he said he was 



A big 



leady to 



"Fifty 

 oarsman. 



"What : 

 ilu' other. 



go back, 

 cents to 



said the 



Fifty cents to get back?" exclaimed 

 "Xo wonder Jesus walked I" 



On a Payroll 



"How is our friend Grafton's position on that 

 bill regarded?" asked one member of a legisla- 

 11. re. 



"Well." replied the other, "the general im- 

 pression is that his position is a very lucrative 

 one" — Washington SU.tr. 



Cast-0£Es. 



A .sad story is told by a Pennsylvania man of 

 a lad in his town who, like many another boy, 

 had been obliged to wear the cast-off clothing 

 of his father. 



One afternoon this lad was discovered in 

 tears. "What's the trouble, my boy?" asked 

 the man who tells the story. 



"Why." explained the youngster, between sobs, 

 lop has gone and shaved his face clean. 

 LOW I s'pose I'll have to wear all them 

 whiskers." — Harpn's. 



and 



I'd 



Ace High 



farmer entered a geni'ral store with a 

 jiig of 'sky. seril>bled liis name on a playing 

 card which he inserted into the month of the 

 lug, and set the ,iug in a corner with the re- 

 mark that he would get it in half an hour. Re- 

 turning later, he looked for his .iug. but could 

 not find it. and the storekeeper knew nothing 

 of it. 



"Why, 1 wrote mv name on the ten-spot of 

 .lubs and stuck it in the jug," exclaimed the 

 man. 



■Oh. I remember now. " exclaimed the store- 

 keeper. 'X fellow came in here with the ace 

 cif clubs and took the ten-spot." 



■Willie's Question 



The aged lady next door had been quite ill. 

 "•o one morning Willie's mother said to her 

 small son : 



"Willie, run over and see how old Mrs. Smith 

 i;- this morning." 



Willie departed, but in a few moments he 

 came running back and said : 



"She says it's none of your business." 



"Wh.v. Willie I" exclaimed his mother. "What 

 did you ask her?" 



■Just wliat you told me to," said Willie : 

 "I said you wanted to know how old she was." 

 — r.ailics' Home Journal. 



—ID— 



