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Peru Pertinent and Impertinent 



The Busy Editor 



After the Dre that destroyed Barnum's JIuseum, the proprietor consulted 

 bis friends as to Ills wisest course. He told them he had a fortune, and 

 could easily retire from actiye business. < 



Among his friends was Horace Greeley. 



"What shall I do?" asked Barnvim. 



"If I were you," replied Greeley, 'I would go fishing. I've been trying 

 for thirty years to go fishing, and have never been able to do it." — Youth's 

 Companion. 



Air in a Trust 

 Reader — "He tore his hair and rent the air." 



Hearer — "There you are ! We even have to rent the air now. It's 

 time we had a change of government." — PatJifinder. 



Logical 



"Why, Bridget, you surely don't consider these windows washed?" said 

 the lady of the house, reproachfully. 



"Sure, I washed 'em nicely on the inside, mum, so we can look out," 

 replied Bridget, "but I intintionally lift thim a little dirty on the outside, 

 so thim ignorant Jones children nixt door couldn't look in." 



Personalities 

 While James llcXeill Whistler, the eccentric American painter, was 

 trying on a hat in a London shop one day, a customer rushed in, and, 

 mistaking Mr. Whistler for a clerk, exclaimed : "I say, this 'at doesn't 

 lit." The artist eyed him for a minute, and then teplied, scornfully : 

 "Neither does your coat, and I'll be hanged if I like the color of your 

 trousers." — Argonaut. 



SOME "TACKS" 



Driver: If anyone can get down this road without having a flat tire he is a genius. 



Au 



Unnecessary Expense 

 i>nergotic young priest in charge of a parish in Cambria County, 



Pennsylvania, had succeeded in raising money enough to build and equip a 

 new church, all except the bell. To get enough money for the bell, h.' 

 held a meeting of the parishioners, at which the members of his Building 

 Committee made speeches. All except McCarthy had spoken. One men- 

 tioned their fine church : another, their comfortable pews ; another, their 

 splendid altar ; and another spoke of th3 steam heat they had in the 

 church and of the coal in the cellar tor the furnace. They were all sorry, 

 they said, that they were without a bell and hoped the members would 

 be able (o make a further efifort and secure the money for that purpose. 

 Then came McCarthy's turn and lie spoke as follows : "We have a fine 

 church. Our pews is comfortable and our altar is grand. 'Tis true we 

 have no bell. But," said he, ''we have steam heat in the church and 

 plinty of coal in the cellar. The divvle wid the bell. Let's put a whistle 

 on the church." — Everyhoiy's. 



Cause for Alarm 



Bill Sprauge kept a general store at Croyden Four Corners. One day 

 he set off for New York to buy a lot of goods. Tlie goods were shipped 

 immediately : and as Bill had lingered in New York sightseeing, they 

 reached Croyden Four Corners before him. The goods in an enormous 

 paoking-case were driven to the general store by the local teamster. 

 Mrs. Sprague came out to see what had arrived and, with a shriek, tottered 

 and fell. 



■Oh, what's the matter, ma'am?'' cried the hired girl. 



Mrs. Sprague, her eyes blinded with tears, pointed to the packing-case, 

 whereon was stenciled in large black letters : 



BILL INSIDE. —Eveiybody's. 



Requisite 



•I understand you speak French like a native." 



"No," replied the student; "I've got the grammar and the accent down 

 pretty fine : but it's hard to learn the gestures." — Washington Star. 



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