THE HARDWOOD RECORD. 



21 



The Fui\i\y Old World. 



THINGS FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC. 



It probably iloes not beseem a citizen 

 of tlie United State.?, witli tlie many glar- 

 ing defects in his own government, to criti- 

 cize tiae government of such a country .is 

 Great Britain, with its many points of 

 superiority over that of any other nation, 

 but to the American mind and the Ameri- 

 can habit of thought the institution of roy- 

 alty as it exists in Great Britain appears 

 more or less ridiculous. The king of that 

 countiy has far le.ss power than has the 

 president of the United States. In fact, 

 so far as governmental affairs are con- 

 cerned, he is little more than a figurehead. 

 Public opinion rules in Great Britain ns 

 certainly as it does in the United States, 

 and that opinion in Great Britain is in 

 many respects more enlightened, more just 

 and more conservative than in this coun- 

 try. Admitting all this, and, in fact, ' 

 largely because we do admit it, the affec- 

 tion of the British people for their insti- 

 tution of royalty is incomprehensible to 

 the practical American mind. 



The government of most of our large 

 cities is unspealiably corrupt, our inibMc 

 moneys are squandered, many of our pub- 

 lic institutions are grossly mismanaged, 

 and we submit Avithout a murmur to be- 

 ing bullied and robbed in a way that the 

 citizens of Great Britain would consider 

 unendurable, but we would arise as one 

 man and resist, should any attempt be 

 made to elevate somebody because he hap- 

 pened to be the son of somebody else, to 

 a. position where we would be required 

 to kiss his hand or bend the knee when 

 we were introduced to him. 



Well, different people have different 

 ideas, and the coronation of King Edward 

 YII is none of our funeral; but as thc} 

 British people like their way of doing and 

 as the British people are mighty fine peo- 

 ple, we all hope that King Edward may 

 sufficiently recover his health to be 

 crowned at the next attempt. If the Eng- 

 lish people are bound to have a king, he. 

 being an able and popular man, is as good 

 as any. 



Many well informed people believe it 

 better for a country to have a strong 

 monarchical government, such as that of 

 Germany. Others favor a republic, such 

 as the United States. Great Britain com- 

 bines both forms in a manner which ap- 

 pears to us illogical. She maintains a 

 monai'chy witli all the pomp and cere- 

 mony in the world, but robs the monarch 

 of all the power and bestows it upon the 

 Parliament. But with it all. Great Brit- 

 ain has as good a government as any un- 

 der the sun and so long as her monarch 

 behaves himself and does not meddle with 

 things which do not concern liini he will 

 hold his job. 



(_)ne effect of the postponement of the 

 coronation is to let the government at 

 Washington out of an embarrassing situa- 

 tion. Mr. Whitelaw Reid, who was sent 

 to represent the United States at that 

 function, has returned home, and probably 

 has a court suit, including a pair of knee 

 breeches, for sale cheap. The action of 

 President Roosevelt in sending an accred- 

 ited representative to attend the corona- 

 tion raised a tremendous commotion in 

 some sections, and the fact that he was 

 recalled without having bent the stiff 

 American knee to royalty will please some 

 and deprive some of our campaign orators 

 of valuable ammunition. Whitelaw's 

 knees are his own, of course, and the 

 American people have no objection to his 

 doing what he wishes with them in his 

 private, personal capacity. He may don 

 a pair of knee breeches or a pair of 

 tights, and fall on his knees, or stand en 

 his head, or walk on his hands, as White- 

 law Reid, and the American people will 

 say "Good boy, Whitelaw! Do it again." 

 But when it comes to doing those things 

 as the representative of the great Ameri- 

 can people, b'go.sh! it becomes another mat- 

 ter. "" 

 • • • 



In the meantime. Uncle J. P. Morgan 

 continues his European observations. And 

 Charles T. Yerkes, also, is over there look- 

 ing around with the idea of giving Lon- 

 don such street car service as he gave us 

 in Chicago. If the people of London want 

 to see a specimen of Mr. Yerkes' handi- 

 work, let them kindly send a representa- 

 tive over here and give him a few weeks' 

 experience hanging onto straps, clinging 

 to footboards or riding on fenders. And 

 with all that the Union Traction Com- 

 pany can't make enough on its watered 

 stock to pay dividends. Chicago will 

 doubtless recover from its attack of 

 Yerkes in a few years, but I^ondon is wel- 

 come to him. 



And we are glad that Mr. Morgan has 

 gone to Europe. We are proud of him, 

 but he is too smooth for us, and we hope 

 he will find his ti'ip to Europe profitable 

 enough that he will feel justified in re- 

 maining. He doesn't produce anything 

 and has to make several millions a year 

 off people who do produce, and if it's just 

 the same we'd rather he'd make it off 

 the people over there. 



His specialty is organizing trusts by 

 buying up all the plants in a certain line 

 and paying the owner of each all he asks 

 for it, in stock in the new corporation. 

 Then he sells several millions of watered 

 stock, pays himself out of the proceeds, 

 gives the new concern enough working 

 capital to keei) it going until he gets into 

 the next state, and lets it go. His in- 

 flated concerns are doing pretty wejl now 



because we are enjoying the best times 

 in the history of our country, but when 

 hard times strike us again they will, in 

 my opinion, collapse like a lot of punc- 

 tured bauoons. 



We are glad Mr. Morgan has gone to 

 Europe, and hope he may find in that 

 country employment for his peculiar tal- 

 ents for some time to come. The men 

 who sell out to the trusts he organizes will 

 not lose anything. It is the public which 

 at the present is eager to buy whatever 

 he offers for sale that will have the bag 

 to hold. Still, the pubic has lots of money 

 and some very shrewd observers believe it 

 likes to be humbugged. 



But some of these days Uncle Pierpnnt 

 will stub his toe. 



* • • 



Speaking of ti-usts reminds me that it 

 is reported that another of our prominent 

 citizens, Mr. John D. Rockefeller, has ex- 

 tended his operations to Eiu-ope, and by 

 combining with the Rothschilds, has ex- 

 tended his oil monopoly .so that the people 

 of Europe may enjoy its benefits. Xow, 

 there is a man that this great and fre«* 

 country is really proud of. An entliusias- 

 tic professor in the Cbicago University ha.s- 

 said that Mr. Rockefeller is as great a 

 man as STiakespeare was. The professor 

 was criticized rather severely for the 

 statement because of the fact that John 

 D. contributes an average of -a million a 

 year to the university., Be that as it may, 

 I agree with the professor and my in- 

 dorsement can have no taint of self-in- 

 terest. My coal oil costs me full price 

 and I am under no personal obligations 

 to Mr. Rockefeller at all. I believe him 

 to be in many respects the greatest man 

 America has produced. Starting as a 

 poor boy, he has built up the only absolute 

 monopoly of which I have any knowledge 

 and that, too, a monopoly of an article of 

 such universal use as petroleum. It is 

 practically impossible to buy a gallon of 

 coal oil anywhere in the United States 

 except you buy it of Rockefeller. So close 

 is the watch he keeps and so perfect his 

 organization, that if an insignificant ped- 

 dler in a little bit of a town starts to 

 peddle oil bought from an independent 

 company the great Standard Oil Company 

 gets after him, starts competition in an- 

 other peddler, and runs the first neddlor 

 out of busine'ss or forces him to buy his 

 supplies of the Standard Oil Company. 



And all this Mr. Rockefeller accom- 

 plished without making any noise, with- 

 out having any strikes, without offering 

 any watered stock for sale, and all the 

 time the price of his product, in spite of 

 his absolute monopoly, has gone down. 

 The American people have never had any 

 trouble with Rockefeller and has no quar- 



