z4 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



Watch Yourself Go By 

 Just stand aside and watch yourself go by ; 

 Think of yourself as "he," instead of "I." 

 Note, closely as in other men you note. 

 The bag-kneed trousers and the seedy coat. 

 Pick flaws; find fault; forget the man is you, 

 And strive to make your estimate ring true. 

 Confront yourself and look you in the eye ; 

 Just stand aside and watch yourself go by. 



Interpret all your motives Just as though 



You looked on one whose aims you did not 



know. 

 Let undisguised contempt surge through you 



when 

 You see you shirk, O commonest of men ! 



Despise yuur c iinardii f ; cniidemn whate'er 

 You note of falseness in you anywhere. 

 Defend not one defect that shames your eye, 

 Just stand aside and watch yourself go by. 



And then, with eyes unveiled to what you 



loathe — 

 To sins that with sweet charity you'd clothe — 

 Back to your self-walled tenement you'll go 

 With tolerance for all who dwell below. 

 The faults of others then will dwarf and shrink. 

 Love's chain grow stronger by one mighty link — 

 When you, with "he," as substitute for "L" 

 Have stood aside and watched yourself go by. 



— S. W. Gilliam, in Siu-n-ss Mtuja^ine. 



Modem Mary 

 Mary had a little skirt 

 Tied tightly in a bow. 

 And everywhere that Mary went 

 She simply couldn't go. 



— Harper's Bazar. 

 A 'Waming 

 Mrs. Oldun — I hope you and your husband 

 live happily together? 



Mrs. Strongmind — I should say we do. I'd 

 Just like to see him live unhappily with me ! — 

 IV'asp. 



Old people have wisdom, but they would 

 rather have hair. They have experience, but 

 they would trade all its lessons for hope and 

 teeth. — Hoo-Hoo Bulletin. 



Information Wanted 





...#" 



''^'^^'^m 



U. S. — "Say. Qerm, can't you give me a fe-w good tips on ho'w to nurse my kid?" 



A Suitable Name 

 "What's that you call your muk?" 

 "I calls him 'Corporation,' " answered the old 

 colored man. 



"llow did you come to give him such a name';" 

 "F'm studyin' de animal an' readin' de papers. 

 Dat mule gits mo' blame an' abuse dan any- 

 thing else in de township, an' he goes ahead 

 havin' liis own way jos do same." 



Automobile Epithets to Date 

 • By the man who has not yet bouglit one — Gas 

 wagon, chug ear, joy buggy, devil wagon, Jug- 

 gtrnaut, petrol pest, hell cart. 



By the proud owner — My machine. 



There are big houses and small, handsome and 

 plain, dear and cheap, but every bouse is like a 

 suit of clothes in that it makes such a lot of 

 difference who is walking around in it. — Life. 



Every cloud has a silver lining — but it isn't 

 the cloud that we want. Elbert Hubb.\rd. 



Usually when a man falls short of success, the 

 trouble lies in some specific direction ; it may be 

 bad judgment in buying ; it may be poor selling 

 methods ; it may be improper handling of people. 

 Whatever the fault, I believe men could educate 

 themselves out of it, if they really resolved to do 

 so and went about it intelligently. 



C. D. Peacock. 



As a place of residence, a fool's paradise is to 

 be preferred to a hell of reality. — The Smart Set. 



It is said that all dogs in I'oru have the 

 Peruvian bark. 



W'hen hearts are trumps a 

 man to play a diamond. 



;irl expects a young 



Occasionally a man gets the best of It while 

 looking for the worst. 



