HARDWOOD RECORD 



Verts Pertinent and Impertinent 



The Government's Handy Man 



Your Undo S:im lie says to nic "I wanl a mau 

 to I'ido. 



To pack a boss, and shoot a fow, and sleep out- 

 doors beside :" 



So I signed witii liim as a raiigei- l)old, to ride 

 tile forests free, 



Bui lands '. you ought to see the stunts your 

 Uncle Sam gave me. 



It's law in the morning, science at night. 

 Study all day, and flgger and write ; 

 He gets high-browed work on a higb-browed plan. 

 Does the Government's handy man. 



I've broke niy jaw on science names for every 



tree and bark ; 

 I've got to know fine points in law, jest like a 



Blackstone shark ; 

 I've got to pick out min'ral land, same as a 



blamed M. E. : 

 And this here ranger job ain't jest what it's 



criicke<I up to be. 



It's readin' the Use Book early and late, 

 Kules by the hundred — get 'em all straight. 

 Me'd rutber punch cows, but he does what lie 



can. 

 Does the Government's handy man. 



— Denver REruBLiCAX. 



Mary and Her Lamb 



■file world has very many lamljs, whose owners' 



names are hid. 

 .\nd yet these lambs grew wool as white as 



Mary's ever did. 

 ( 11' course the fame of Mary's lamb is not at all 



surprising, 

 "I'wa.s brought about by out-and-out persistent 



advertising. 



Fruitless Struggling 



"I understand that after waiting twenty years, 

 she married a struggling young man ?" 



"Yes, poor chap. He struggled the best he 

 knew how, but she landed him." — Brooklyn 

 Life. 



The Veneer Industry 



Keeping very bad company. 



The tTnion Spirit 



At a public school not long ago the children 

 were training for the annual flag day celebra- 

 tion. One boy, in order to show good reasim 

 why he should take a prominent part in the 

 ceremonies, said that he liad a real gun ; an- 

 other had a pistol ; a small girl had a flag, and" 



Then and Now 



He wooed beneath the summer moon 



A summer maiden shy, 

 And wlien they'd part each night in June — 



He said : "Bye-bye, my love, bye-bye !" 

 The short weeks sped. They're wedded now, 

 With the advent of the telephone, the old And bo, poor man, must sigh, 



"working nights at the ofiice" excuse has been lor every shop tbey pass, 1 vow. 



to the tenchev, and stood waiting for her to see 

 hlni. 



"Well, what is it'/" be asked. 



"I lias a iiiiion suit," be said. — Y'outh's Com- 



r.iNKIX. 



Finally, one tow-baired lad of six came up given a permanent vacation. 



She says : "Buy ! Buy ! My love, buy, buy ! 



