HARDWOOD RECORD 



29 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



The Man Higher Up 



Remote, inaccessible, lone, 



And shrouded in mystery, he 

 Knows all things to others unknown — 



Past, present, and what's yet to be ; 

 For the evils in politics, trade, 



Diplomacy, finance, and love 

 Were ordained or committed or made 



By this powerful creature abore. 



High prices, low wages, and graft, 

 Crime, poverty, boodle, and sin, 



The blunders of Aldrich and Taft. 



The games that the home team don't win 



Are a few of the industries that 

 This demon amuses him with ; 



But no one knows where he is "at" — 

 Can it be that he's only a myth? 



Truth 

 Down at the bottom of the well 



Lies truth — an adage old. 

 Yet truth, forsooth, Is like a bell 



That's very seldom tolled. 



It Is true that we fear what we do not 

 understand, and we hate it because it may be 

 stronger than ourselves. 



Different Opinions 



The cheery mpn looks out and sees 

 The golden leaves upon the trees. 



And with a joyous confidence 

 He cries, "The world is richly rare. 

 With changeful verdure ever fair, 



A scene of endless opulence." 



The cynic sees the beauty vast, 

 And says, with visage overcast, 



"What usefulness can such things claim? 

 The leaves, transformed in guise of gold, 

 Are worthless as they were of old — ■ 



It's just another green-goods game!'* 



— Washington Star. 



Protection of the Forests 



A good man with a sensible fire extinguisher. 



Oak, Come Off! 



"Jack, dear, when you are gone I shall pine 

 away." 



"Don't pine away ; spruce up !" — Boston Trans- 

 cript. 



Immune 



Farmer Grayneck — S'pose you are goin' to git 

 the automobile fever, Ezry, like everybody else? 



Farmer Hornbeak — Nope ! I've been vaccinated 

 in the pocketbook, and it took ! 



Her Sunday Supplement 



Mrs. Hoyle — Your husband's business keeps 

 him out of town all the week, I understand? 



Mrs. Doyle — Tes, he is at home only one day ; 

 I call him my Sunday supplement. — New York 

 Press. 



His Wife 



"What do you do for a living, Mose?" 

 "I'se de manager ob a laundry." 

 "What's the name of this laundry?" 

 "ICliza Ann." — Louisville Courier-.Iournal. 



A soft answer may start good luck your way. 



Every Time 



"That was a long speech our candidate made 

 on the agricultural question, wasn't it?" 



"Oh. it wasn't bad, but a couple of days' good 

 rain would a done a sight more good." 



Ostend : "Pa, if the ocean liners are called 

 grey-hounds what arc the above-ocean airships 

 called?" 



Pa : "Skye terriers, my son." 



It's a fine thing to have ability, but the abil- 

 ity to discover ability in others is the true test. 



