HARDWOOD RFCORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Why dot's a lcoosi' siiinil ou one leg? 



Ask Ti'dily. 

 How long should Uildset boil an cee': 



Ask Tfddy. 

 Wliat makes an anio lire skid'; 

 Why will a man say "done" foi' "did ' V 

 When should a molher spank her kid? 



Ask Teddy. 



Ask Teddy. 



When may 



i>n knofk do»'n Ills sli-e? 



Ask Teddy. 

 When should a man bo ealled n llaiV 



Ask Teddy. 

 What klprt of n worm Is best foe baltV 

 \\lien may a younir man stay out lateV 

 When should a preaclier speculate? 



Ask Teddy. 



When lil'e isiows dull, what shall we do? 



Ask Tod<ly. 

 Where shall we look for something new? 



Ask Teddy. 

 'I'o titlk plain KuKlish, which Is "wuss'* — • 

 To be a common, ornery cuss. 

 Or try to be real strenuous? 



Ask Teddy. 



II.MtVKV B. Dale. 



Attitude on HardWood Inspection, 



Son of Icha. bod -Unless I ca.n be CaptaLin, Pitcher OLnd t/mpire, I won't pla.v. 



A Vital Point. 



First Compositor — This here ignorant re- 

 jiortcT has went anfl spelled "victuals" 

 v-i-ta-1-s. 



Soeond Compositor — Well, fix 'er \\]i an' 

 shove 'cr in. We've only jjot three minutes 

 !o go to press. 



And in the pajier the next morning tlie 

 story ran: 



"The verdict was tliat deceased came to 

 his death from a jiistnl-sliot Ju the victuals.'' 



Be One. 



An optimist is any man vviin thinks it 

 might have been worse. 



Wooden Times. 



Lumljcr is going up. Grub has alreai.l.\ 

 gone up. So it is a cinch that we will have 

 to plauk down more for hoard this winter 

 .•IS we, go lumliering along. 



Thoughtful. 



Buster — O, papa, please liuy me a horn! 



Papa — Not much! A nice bedlam we'd 

 have in the house! 



Buster — But I'll promise tn only binvv it 

 wlirn you're asleep! 



Russian Proverb. 

 Kvory fox praises liis own tail. 



One Exception. 



She — This suit cost a lunulred cbillars. but 

 the tailor promised to make any .ilteriition 

 in it I desired. 



lie — Then you liettcT ask him to alter the 

 ]irieel 



Elusive. 



Tlie iiolicemen liave tlieir troubles with 

 the autos — when llicy go slowly, they can't 

 lie run in: when they go fast the cops can't 

 read their numbers! 



Flexible. 

 After turning to rnlOMT, Lot's wife 

 turned to salt. 



