HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Cb«eks that kIow gainst creamy whiteness; 



Eyebrows most correctly curved ; 

 Arching lips whose lauglilng lightness 



Leaves the stoutest soui unnerved. 



llair tliat's delicately waving : 



Teeth so even ! Brow so fair I 

 Hands to set n sculptor raving 



And a waist of outline rare. 



A Nature Fake? 

 (•ft In slioptlcal detection 



All your graces I review : 

 (^an such marvelous perfection 



He Invariably true'; 



I have learned with consternation 

 That much beautifying aid, 



l-'or a snuill consideration 



Can be purchased ready made. 



So I wonder late and early ; 



Wonder, dreaming or awake, 

 Are you Just a charming girlie 



Or another nature fake? 



Heaven and earth help him who plants a tree 

 And his work its own reward shall be. 



FORESTIIY AND InBIGATION. 



No Occasion for It. 

 One lesson wc 

 should all learn from 

 the recent financial 

 flurry is that it is no 

 longer necessary for 

 all the rest of the 

 country to sneeze when 

 New York takes too 

 much snuff. 



Ostrich-Like. 

 Faith is soiiicthiuf.' 

 that enables a man to 

 close his eyes to his 

 own faults and imaj; 

 ine his neighbors 

 can't see them. 



Especially Poets. 



Many a jierson at 

 tcinpt.s to do a main- 

 tout stunt on side- 

 show ability and the 

 funny part of it, they 

 can bluff the public 

 into believing in them. 

 if they keep at it long 

 «nough ! 



Anxiety Well 

 Grounded. 



Laborer 's \v i f (■ — 

 What 's the matter 

 with my luisband, doc- 

 tor? 



Physician — 1 will 

 tell you in a minute. 



Laborer 's wife — 

 You won't make it 

 anything expensive, 

 will you, sir? 



— Fliegendc Blatter. 



The Financial Situation. 



'\.^'>?<\t^^N-'^' 



The Consequence. 

 He who hesitates is 

 bossed. 



Before and After. 

 Before marriage 

 where there's a will 

 there's a way; but 

 after, where there's a 

 will there's usually a 

 won 't. 



For Women. 



It doesn't matter 

 liow cheap a thing is 

 if you have no earthly 

 use for it! 



Gives Spice. 

 It' it were not for 

 the unexpected life 

 would be awfully mo- 

 notonous. 



Let Them Go. 



Never mind people 

 who are ' ' stuck up " ; 

 they 're usually noth- 

 ing but sticks, any- 

 how. 



Wisdom. 

 Its best indication 

 is self-.confessed ig- 

 norance. 



Might Spoil Them. 

 Some awfully nice 

 •lirls wouldn 't be half 

 so nice if they were 

 consistent and sensi- 

 ble. 



Need Pruning. 

 .Most family trees 

 lire more or less shady. 



The Wet Party — If Teddy hadn't believed li waa only a shower. 

 1 should hsLve though) It had set irv for a steady rairv. 



How It Struck Him. 



Mrs. Suburbs — I see by this paper that 

 the site of the Garden of Eden has at last 

 been located. 



Mr. Suburbs — Yesl When will the sale 

 of lots take place, and what is the fare 

 from the city hall? — PuCK. 



All Alike. 

 Most of the "gold cures" are only plated 

 and soon wear off. 



He Iiikes It. 



A man is apt to bo suspicious if his wife 

 isn 't .icalous of him. 



But Don't Upset It. 



Hitch your wagon to a star; if it's the 

 water-wagon, tic it to the Great Dipper. 



• Should be Ostracized. 



Our idea of a niiisanc'c is a m.-iii wlio butts 

 in wlieu we are talking about ourselves 



