HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Different Bait. 



They flslied together, he and she. 

 Beside the babbling mountain brook; 



He used minnows small for bait — 

 She used a sweet but saucy look. 



When they quit the noisy stream 

 The maiden's home they sought ; 



He hadn't hooked a single thing— 

 But a "sucker" she had caught. 



The Little Lawyer Mau. 

 He was a little lawyer man. 

 Who softly blushed as he began 

 Her poor, dead husband's will to scan. 



He smiled, while thinking of his fee, 

 Tlien said to her so tenderly, 

 "You have a nice, fat legacy." 



And wlien, next day, he lay In bed 

 With bandages upon his head. 

 He wondered what on earth he'd said! 



— W. of O. 



Similarity. 

 The flamingo is mostly neck; 



It twists and turns a hundred ways. 

 Reminding us how like we are 

 To flamingoes on rainy days. 



— Butlalo News. 



The stork is mostly legs. 



And therefore we'll agree 

 That this odd bird is chiefly like 



A musical comedy! 



— Kansas City Times. 



Won't Go. 

 Never tell a lady 

 that her dog is a 

 beauty but the baby 

 looks like her. 



Safe. 

 Tou may use a 

 knife in cutting an 

 acquaintance If you 

 want to; the law will 

 recognize it as emo- 

 tional insanity. 



Free Advice. 



The Ladies' Home 

 Journal says it is not 

 proper to tell a girl 

 the first time you 

 meet her that you 

 love her. It might 

 have added that if 

 you are wise you will 

 not tell her so the 

 last time — or any 

 time. 



Stop and Think. 



Don't tell a newly 

 made widow that the 

 late departed is ' ' bet- 

 ter off." 



The Test. 

 A woman is really 

 and truly "sensible" 

 if she actually does 

 not care how big her 

 shoes are, just so 

 they 're comfortable. 

 CFind one.) 



AU Alike. 



Most of the "gold 

 cures ' ' are only plated 

 and soon wear off. 



Foreign HardWood Trade, 



Among the Trees. 

 She — I love these 

 old oaks. 



He — I love yew. 

 She — A chestnut 1 

 — Black and Whitp. 



Chimerical. 

 Freedom exists only 

 in our minds ; nobody 

 is really free. 



Should Be Ostracized. 

 Our idea of a nui- 

 sance is a man who 

 butts in when we are 

 talking about our- 

 selves. 



Sometimes Effective. 

 The first thing a 

 woman does after dis- 

 covering that her hus- 

 band 's love has grown 

 cold is to go through 

 his pockets in search 

 of some light on the 

 reason. 



He Likes It. 

 A man is apt to be 

 suspicious if liis wife 

 isn 't jealous of him. 



The Reason. 

 Some men never ac- 

 complish anything be- 

 cause they never find 

 the easy mark who 

 will put up the 

 money. 



Advice to AmoLteurs:— If (he Export trade looks good to you Just r\ow. 

 remember the mylhlcaLl pot of gold a.t the end of the rainbow. 



But Don't Upset It. 

 llitili your wagon 

 to a star; if it's the 

 water-wagon, tie it to 

 the Great Dipper. 



Blue will be the prevailing color this win- 

 ter, although the standard shades of green 

 and gold will still be very popular. In 

 mixed goods, figures will be much smaller 

 and there mil not be so many checks. It is 

 likely that a few stripes will be worn, but 



Financial Styles. 



the stripes will go around the body in- 

 stead of up and down. 



The green goods will bo made up more 

 simply and with fewer trimmings than last 

 season, although there will be not a few 

 ruffles. Wastes will be shorter. 



Fronts are not so straight as they were 

 and everything will be tight, with a few 

 gathers here and there. Many veils will be 

 raised. 



Very little velvet will be seen. 



— LiFB. 



