HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



I woiKl.T why llie piilplt .vlflils 



So many pay oUi sports. 

 And why s.. many lawyers" wills 



Are beaten in the courts. 

 I wonder why iFie doctors die 



At siuh alarmlns rate. 

 And why the medium doesn't read 



Her path to fortune straight. 



I wonder why the milliner's hat 

 Is always out of style. 



I Wonder Why. 



.\n(l why the laan behind the bar 



Will never take a smile. 

 Why doesn't the dressmaker wear 



'riie latest model dressy- 

 Why can't the medium foretell 

 Her own way to success'; 



I wonder why the broker wise 

 111 stiK-ks can ever lose. 



.\ini why the cobbler doesn't mead 

 His own old worn-out shoes. 



I wonder that I he barber fails 



To cure his own bald jtale. 

 And why the medium doesn't read 

 Her path to fortune straight. 



I wonder why the builder's house 



Is always tumbling down. 

 And why the farmer always brings 



His freshest things to town. 

 I wonder why the medium 



That's broke and lives alone 

 Can never spot the handsome man 



With money, for her own. 



Sordid Fact. 

 When a woinaii i>^ 

 away on a visit sin- 

 generally |) r e f o r s 

 checks from huMiy to 

 liis love letters. 



Must Keep Up. 



\V o m 11 a I "■ a y s 



iopt the prevailiiin 



styles, yoH notice, no 



natter how nuich tlioy 



riticize thctn first. 



Not to Say Gout. 



Low s|iirits t'oUnw 

 high living. 



The Cold, Cold World. 



rhe world's neglect 



■ impels most of us to 



lie to be appreciated. 



Misses Something. 



Tiie man who tliinUs 

 he can 't and .just 

 «|uits. loses all tin- 

 glad joy of effort. 



Anticipates. 

 Wise is the man 

 who makes a full con- 

 fession as soon as he 

 knows he is going to 

 lie found out. 



Equally Bored. 

 When people say 

 they're tired of the 

 world, it is nsuall.v 

 apparent that t h e 

 world's tired of them. 



Of Necessity. 



If money Is the root 

 of all evil, most of us 

 are walking in the 



paths of righteousness 



just now. 



The Year 1908. 



In the City. 

 A penny saved 

 doesn 't mean a penny 

 earned — it means a 

 newspaper to read in 

 the car. 



Matrimony, 

 (^eremony — parsi- 

 mony — acrimony — 

 alimonv. 



The Gauge. 



Suiiie women stop 



honoring hubby as 



ioon as the banks stop 



lionoring his checks. 



Expert Opinion. 



Lots of people who 

 sing in public evi- 

 dently never sang in 



private. 



At Ease. 



Any woman can be 

 ■■just inciting'' in a 

 thin gown on a freez- 

 ing day, if only the 

 ijown is pretty. 



Far From It. 



Kinfolks are not 

 always kind folks. 



Should Take. 

 The elastic cur- 

 r e 11 c y proposition 

 should become very 

 popular with the la- 

 dies — it would hold 

 up their stockings, in- 

 stead of weight them 

 down. 



Ubiquitous. 



Why is it on.' al- 

 w ay s has more 



Lumberman. You certainly are not a beauty, but in spite of the hard things they are " 'JHonds ^^^^^^l 

 saying about you, 1 reckon you'll turn out all right ! 



.Mans greatest delight — man's deepest despair 

 I'ickle and feeble— faithful and fair; 

 .\rtlessly artful — Innocent air: 

 Winning and sinning, a comfort— a care ; 



Every Woman. 



Sw.-i In dcTcH she is sweetest, beware: 

 llarinbss if charmless (no such one Is there) 

 ratlenic personitled— devil-maycare : 

 Itlght without reason — her wisdom Is rare: 

 fartlal and Jealous— forgiving and zealous: 



i:a. h paradox woman- half augcl. half human 

 A inorii I declare-thank liod not a li.ii.', 

 I-or with double delight would come 

 despair ! 



double 

 iKi:. 



