HARDWOOD RECORD 



IS 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



The world's iDsaoe ! The smile with which 

 You ran to greet me yester eve. 



Th' embrace with all affection rich 

 You gave me then, O Genevieve, 



Show you insane, nh, heaven. Insane 

 Beyond reprieve 1 



Me chll J ! Mc child '. You climbed upon 

 My knee and played with my mustache : 

 What pangs did fill me, dearest one. 



After Beading Much Expert Testimony. 



To hnd your mind all gone to smash ! 

 Climbed . . played ! Ah, heaven, 



my heart 

 What hopes went "crash!" 



Friend of me youth, I saw you stand 

 Upon a corner. When the car 



Went by you shook a clenched hand. 

 Said things that sounded ill afar '. 



Brainstorm : Insane ! Ah, who could doubt 

 within Where no doubt.s are? 



And I — I took my pen and Ink 

 To write some verses for the day : 



I wrote awhile and then did think 



How pleasant were the new-mown hay ! 



Ach Gott ! Me too ! No doubt at all ! 

 Take me away ! 



— New Orleans Times-Democrat 



Maintenance of HardWood Values, 



Different Matter. 



When baby cries 

 for papa in the day- 

 time latter puffs up 

 with pride; but in the 

 aight — let mama have 

 the glory. 



CJharlty. 

 To give with a free 

 band is good — with a 

 free heart is better. 



If She Can. 



It is as much a 

 woman's duty to be 

 beautiful as it is a 

 man 's to be brave. 



Matter of Course. 



Women regard flat- 

 tery as simply confir- 

 mation of what thoy 

 already know. 



Jealous. 



Some women's pros- 

 perity is very trying 

 — to their neighbors. 



Better Picking Out- 

 side. 



No dog ever got fat 

 on hay, no matter how 

 long he stuck to the 

 manger. 



The Ideal Husband. 



Only a good listener 

 can erpect to becomf 

 one. 



Stealing, for Instance. 



Invention is not the 

 only child of Neces- 

 sity — some of the rest 

 >re not so respectable. 



Look Twice. 

 Don't mistake a 

 hole in the ground for 

 a soldier, even though 

 it is well drilled. 



Matter of Choice. 



Alio, Homoeo, Os- 

 teo, Hydro — or any 

 other path you choose 

 to take — leads to the 

 same destination, the 

 cemetery. 



Obvious. 

 Much ' ' kindly com- 

 ment" is only caustic 

 criticism in a bum 

 disguise. 



Never on Hand. 



Tlie ' ' friends of 

 other days" are 

 usually busy touching 

 some other fellow, 

 when you need 'em. 



A Patient Man. 

 It is certainly the 

 humorist who can call 

 the big hole his wife 

 makes in his bank ac- 

 count spring and fall 

 — his "millinery 

 opening. " 



See that the Supply does not Overbalance the Demand. 



No Occasion for It. 



One lesson we should all learn from the 

 recent financial flurry is that it is no longer 

 necessary for all the rest of the country to 

 sneeze when New York takes too much 

 enuS. 



Especially Poets. 



Many a person attempts to do a main- 

 tent stunt on side-show ability and the 

 funny part of it they can bluff the public 

 into believing in them, if they keep at it 

 long enough! 



Anxiety Well Qrounded. 



Laborer's Wife — What's the matter with 

 my husband, doctor! 



Physician — I will tell yon in a minute. 



Laborer's Wife — You won't make it any- 

 thing expensive, will you, sirt 



