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Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



Good Advice 



Old Settler — Young man, go slow! Remember, it took four hundred years to build the oak you are destroying in ten minutes. 



Even the Bull Knew 



The New York girl, spending licr vacation in 

 the country, was compiaining to the farmer 

 about the savage way the buil regarded her. 



"Weil," said the farmer, "It must be on account 

 of that red blouse you're wearing." 



"Dear me," said the girl ; "of course I know 

 It's awfully out of fashion, but I had no idea 

 a country bull would notice It '." — Xcw York 

 World. 



Logical 



Aunty — "Dtow many commandments are there, 

 Johnny?" 



Johnny — "Ten." 



Aunty — "And It you broke one,' what would 

 happen?" 



Johnny — "Then there'd be nine." 



A Dreadful Possibility 

 When Aunt Elvira takes the train. 



She always has a vision. 

 (She's -told me, time and time again) 



Of being in a collision ; 

 She doesn't seem to feel much dread 



And fear of being mangled, 

 Of broken bones, a broken head. 



Of being burned or strangled. 

 "I always think." she says to me, 



"That 'twould be dreadful shocking 

 If folks should pick nic up and see 



A big hole In my slocking!" 

 So Aunt Elvira takes her yarns 



When plans arc made for starting. 

 And darns and darns and darns and darns. 



Before she risks departing. 



— Oracc McKinstry in Judge. 



No Danger of Fuming 

 The London Timber Trade Journal is author- 

 ity for the story going the rounds of the papers 

 of a certain Yorkshire firm's advent into the 

 hardwood business after having dealt for years 

 in tile softwood line. Having purchased a quan- 

 tity of oak, one of its salesman called upon a 

 cabinetmaker and offered him the logs. The 

 buyer promptly put the question. "Will they 

 fume?" "Not the slightest danger." replied the 

 expert ; "in fact, we are prepared to give you a 

 guarantee that they won't." 



Only the Half 



. Maiden .\unt — "Venice at last ! One-half of 

 the dream of ray youth is now fuKilled." 



Niece — "Why only half, auntie?" 



.\unt (sighing) — "I contemplated going to 

 Venice on my wedding tour." 



—17— 



