;K;^'>y;:!;°);?!!tt:K'^ " -;iT0':tf's^j:.y-;wviv''>v'^vt?WM>y;tjii>5^ 



■ TOi>i.i<toiJ^>V^-V/V--V7!^ 



Pert^ Pertinent and Impertinent 



li 1 were lirok>>. ili'iid lnokc. .vnii kuow. 



Jlollier o' mint-. 

 I know how I could pick up somo iloir^li. 



Mother o' niinp : 

 1 would pick up a wrestling star or so. 

 Just hire a hall and slve a show. 

 And the public would come acinss. I kno 



Mother o" min<'. 



Another Way Out 

 (Willi Apol<ij:iis lo Uiuljard Kipling i 



Or. If all those I owe were hounding me. 



Mother o' mine. 

 And collectors simply would not let me be. 



Mother o' ■mine. 

 I'd pick up some lad with a good, stiff punch. 

 In the white hope game we'd clean up the bunch. 

 And thus I could still fight shy of free lunch. 



Mother o' mine. 



l'"or this gay old world is ever the same. 



Mother o' mine ; 

 The rose smells as sweet under any name. 



.Mother o' mine : 

 And he who for riches and good eats yearns 

 Tan easily cop what another earns 

 .\nd still he a man "for a' that." says Burns 



Miillicr o' mine. 



TWO VIEW-POINTS OF THE HARDWOOD LUMBER SITUATION 



It depends somewhat on how you spend your tin 



A Gentle Knock 

 "That girl has pretty hair." remark. 'd the 

 young man. 



"Yes," said the damsel he was witli. "and 

 she has some at home that is even prettier." — 

 Courier-Journal. 



Busting Loose 



"I love to go Into a 10 cent store." 



"Why so?" 



"Even a man with a dollar hill can bust into 

 one of those places and buy recklessly. " — Courier- 

 Joumal. 



Making the Children Spell 



Joseph 1". Tumulty, sicntnry to Tresldent 

 Wilson, tells of a former member of the .lersey 

 City board of education who. upon a visit to one 

 of the schools, took a reader from the teacher's 

 band and addressed the nearest little girl. 



"My dear, can you spell "eggpit?' " 



The little girl didn't recognize the word. 

 was willing to take a chance, so she said : 



"E-g-g-p-I-t." 



"Erroneous — can anybody else spell It?" 

 Inquisitor asked, looking over the room. 



Other children tried. Some spelled It 

 one g, others with two t's. Still wrong. 



but 



member of the board had his big finger on the 

 word and knew. He turned to the teacher. 



"Of course, ma'am, you know how to spell it?" 



The teacher blushed and confessed that, while 

 she was not familiar wMth the word, she would 

 expect it to be spelled as it sounded — "e-g-g- 

 p-l-t." ' 



"Not familiar with it !" roared the guardian of 

 the public instruction. "Not familiar with it — 

 it's right here in the book !" 



The teacher looked and saw the word — Egypt. 

 — .Minneapolis Morning Tribune. 



Taking No Chances 

 A little city boy could not be persuaded to visit 

 the farm and people could not understand why. 

 At last he took a friend into his confidence and 

 said that he had heard about the threshing 

 machines th^y had on the farm — "And," said 

 he. "it's bad enough by hand." 



No, Indeed! 



The old lady stopped outside the mirrored 

 compartment and belligerently faced the hoy in 

 buttons. 



"Well, I declare ! If you think for one min 

 lite that I'm goln' to pay my good money for 

 that pig-sty with a foldin' bed. you're mist.iken. 



I suppose you think that just because I'm 



from the country " 



"Get in. ma'am." returned the boy in disgust. 

 "This is not your room. It's the elevator." 



In Bostonese. 



A New York man in ISoston was overtaken 

 by hunger late one night. He entered a quick 

 lunch restaurant, perched himself atop of a 

 stool, and said to the waiter : "Sinkers and 

 coffee." 



"Sinkers? Sinkers?" said the waiter. "To 

 what do you refer, sir?" 



"Sinkers are doughnuts in New Y'ork," the 

 customer explained. 



"Oh. I beg your pardon." replied the waiter. 

 "Here we always refer to them as submarines." 

 — yew York Tribune. 



Cheap Enough 



"Last evening a beautiful girl sat beside me 

 ut a dinner and whispered that she considered 

 me the cleverest man she had ever met." 



"What was the result?" 



"It cost me .$4 for a taxi." — Chicago Recont- 

 Hcrald. 



—19— 



