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Pert^ Pertinent and Impertinent 



Quit Your Meanness 



I'ut the hammer in tlioJ^eliPr : 



Hide the somuiiiig board likewise ; 

 Auy one can l>e a linocker ; 



Any one cnn criticye, 

 Cultivate^\fl nianuer wioniii;;. 



Thougii it liurts your face to smile 

 And seems awl?ward. Hi besinnin;; ; 



Be a booster for a^liilo. 



Just for solid satisfaction 



I>rop a Icind word in the slot. 

 And I'll warrant you"ll get action 



On your effort on the spot. 

 And it isn't so distressing 



If you give a little boost 

 To tbc man tlie fates are pressing 



Wlii-n the chicks come licim<' lo r 



Yes. the old world would Ik> l)rightcr 



If you'd kindle frlendsliip"^ flame 

 .\nd thus make the trouble lishter 



Of the man against the game. 

 Send your grouch on a vUcation. 



(Jive your grumbling tones the shake. 

 And with grim determination 



Throw the hammer in the lake. 



THE BUSINESS SITUATION 



See! There's a rift in the clouds — it's clearing up. 



An Easy Solution 



"How does the breakfast suit 5"0u. John'/" in- 

 quired the young bride anxiously. 



"It's Just right, dearest." said her husband. 

 "It may be plelK-ln. but I'm awfully fond of 

 calves' liver for breakfast." 



"So am I. dear. " said the wife. "Oh. John, 

 don't you think It would pay us to keep a calf: 

 Then we could have liver every morning for 

 breakfast." 



Ingenious 



A young lady took down the receiver of the 

 telephone one day and discovered that the line 

 was In use. 



"I Just put on a pan of beans for dinner." 



she heard one woman complacently informing 

 another. 



Slie hung up the receiver and waited for the 

 conversation to end. Upon returning to the 

 telephone she found the women still talking. 

 Three times she waited, and then at last, be- 

 coming exasperated, she broke into the conver- 

 sation. 



"Madam, I smell your beans burning." she 

 announced crisply. 



A horrltied scream greeted the remark, 

 the young lady was able to put in lier e: 



Beating the Taxi 

 Man (at doctor's night bell) : "Doctor, 

 much do you charge to go to the house';" 



and 



how 



tiling 



thr 



speaking 



tube] 



Mai 



Man; ".Vll right; please come at once." (-\s 

 they arrive in the doctor's automobile) ; "Here's 

 your fee. doctor. A taxi would have cost twice 

 as much." 



Wrong Gender 

 A class In Krench at a co-ed college was orally 

 translating a story about a cow from French into 

 Knglish. One girl persislently called the cow 

 "he" a number of times, until the professor 

 stopped hor short and said ; "He is she, miss ; 

 we milk her In the next sentence." — Everybody's. 



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