HARDWOOD RECORD 



13 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



The Psalmist and the Hardwood Man. 

 "Life is real, life is earnest," 



Thus the psalmist sadly spoke: 

 Had he been a hardwood mill man 

 He'd have thought life was a joke. 



— W. of 0. 



From the Foolish Book. 

 Johnny hung his little sister, 

 She was dead before they missed her. 

 Doesn't he do the cutest tricks? 

 Such a mind — and only six. 



High Art. 

 There was an old sculptor named Phidias, 

 Whose knowledge of Art was invidious ; 



He '-arved Aphrodite 



Without any nightie, 

 Which startled the purely fastidious. 



Don't Look It. 



It is rarely that 

 the man who had a 

 corking good time the 

 night before is able to 

 look it the next morn- 

 ing. 



The Truth-Teller. 



The average woman 

 prides herself on tell- 

 ing the truth. If she 

 told you in 1895 she 

 was thirty years old, 

 she would tell you the 

 same thing in 1905. 



Expensive Hope. 



Hope is free to 

 every man except the 

 hope the patient gets 

 from the doctor; that 

 costs money. 



Another Case. 

 ' ' Be sure you 're 

 right, then go ahead." 

 is a saw not intended 

 for the automobilist 

 stuck in the mud. 



of 



to 

 I 



Not Looking for 

 More Trouble. 



1 ' Are you fond 

 automobiling?" 



' ' I don 't care 

 express myself; 

 have just settled with 

 the police department 

 for speeding, and 

 don't wish to be ar- 

 rested again for pro- 

 fanity." 



Don't Try. 

 It is almost impos- 

 sible for a lumber 

 salesman to save 

 money — and a hard- 

 wood mill man gets to 

 a point where he 

 doesn 't even try. 



The American Hardwood Industry. 



How Long Can He Uphold the Burden? 



Fame. 

 A fondness of fame 

 is avarice of air. — 

 Edward Young. 



Love of Flattery. 



We should have but 

 little pleasure were 

 we never to flatter 

 ourselves. — Bochetou- 

 calt. 



No Dust in Toledo. 



A Toledo, O., dis- 

 patch to the Chicago 

 daily press says : 

 "The Preachers' Un- 

 ion here is planning 

 a campaign against 

 the display of 

 women 's hosiery in 

 shop windows." 



This is as it should 

 be; evidently the dust 

 doesn't blow in the 

 bad man's eye in To- 

 ledo. Therefore, un- 

 less women 's hosiery 

 is displayed where it 

 belongs, it should not 

 be displayed at all. 



Awful. 

 A coffin trust is 

 among the grave talk 

 of the day. 



No Assurance. 

 Simply because a 

 man comes from a 

 good family, it does 

 not follow that he 

 will make a good 

 family man. 



Dead Easy. 

 The fact that live 

 men never ride 

 around inside vehicles 

 of the sort, explains 

 the superstition that 

 it is a sure sign of 

 death to meet a 

 hearse. 



The Last to Go. 



When all earth's folk had perished, 



One man remained alone ; 

 All gone that he had cherished, 



No friend to call his own. 

 Who was the last sad being 



On whom the sun's rays played? 

 Oh. he was the sole believer 



In uniform hardwood grades. 



W-.at He Plants. 

 What does he plant who plants a tree? 



He plants cool shade and tender rain, 

 And seed and bud of days to be, 



And years that fade and flush again ; 

 He plants the glory of the plain ; 



He plants the forest's heritage; 

 The harvest oi the coming age ; 



The joy that unborn eyes shall see — 

 These things he plants who plants a tree. 

 — RicrtARD Wn'sox Gilder. 



Isn't It So? 



You play a game of ping-pong, and then you 



have a chat. 

 Then you make some fudges, and then you get 



your hat ; 

 And hold her hand, and say "good night" as 



nicely as you can ; 

 But isn't that a h — 1 of a night for a great, 



big, healthy man? 



— The Oshkosh Poet. 



