HARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Smile. 

 Smile, and the world smiles with you, 

 "Knock" and you go alone; 



For the cheerful grin 



Will let you in 

 Where the kicker is never known. 



Growl, and the way looks dreary. 

 Laugh, and the path is bright, 



For a welcome smile 



Brings sunshine, while 

 A frown shuts out the light. 



Si GGESTION. 



Resignation. 



When T am "illy fit to go to bed, 

 ur hobble out to sit within the sun. 

 King down tin- curtain : say the play is done, 



And tin' last petal of the poppy shed ! 



I iln in. I want to live when I am old, 

 i bave do e for things I cannot 

 And when the day that I am talking of 



i Which God forfend!) is come, it will he cold. 



Bui it there is another place than this, 



Where all the men will greet me as "Old Man," 

 And till the women wrap me in ti smile, 



where money is mure useless than a Kiss. 



Ami good wine is net put beneath the ban, 

 I will go there and stay a little while. 



— The Philosopher. 



A Crooked Song. 



And tie ■ I.e.l ileal. 



And he made a itllon 



By a crooked II 

 Then he i 



In a crooki 

 And his CI 



That this crooked man was square : 

 hired a crooked pew 

 In a i irk. 



And he rt i 



And gut iked work. 



r 



A Brave Man. 

 A Kentuckian's 

 definition of a brave 

 man is one who can 

 p.'ss (lie door of a 

 saloon with the price 

 of a drink in his 

 pockot. 



CONJECTURAL. 



Money. 

 Certainly "time is 

 money,'' for when 

 you have the money, 

 you can find the 

 time. 



The Components. 



Discretion is the 

 salt and fancy the 

 sugar of life; the one 

 preserves, the other 

 sweetens it. 



Nothing New. 

 A man in France 

 who is puffed up over 

 an alleged invention 

 for making cloth out 

 of wood has discov- 

 ered nothing new, for 

 the wooden overcoat 

 has been known for 

 ages. 



The Eight Place. 



"Where shall 1 

 buy my hardwoods ' ' ' 

 you ask. Of some 

 concern whose pro- 

 prietors have enter- 

 prise enough to ad- 

 vertise it has hard- 

 woods lor sale. 



The Difference. 



There tire men who 

 think without talk- 

 ing, and others who 

 talk without think- 

 ing. 



YOU CAN NEVER TELL WHICH WAY A CAT Will. JUMP. 

 Manufacturer-Fussy, pussy, pretty pussy jump np here, pussy 1 

 Consumer-Kitty, kitty, nice kitty, come down here, kitty! 



Knowledge vs. Wis- 

 dom. 

 Kii" 



what we 

 learn; wisdom by 

 what we unlearn. 



His Point of View. 

 In the opinion of 



t he i an a 



■ in tuast is 



worth a bon- 



The Returns of Giv- 

 ing. 

 It you give to 



have, si, u ii 



ter will come back 



in you. 



Familiarity. 

 Familiarity bi 



nipt only for 

 that which is con 

 temptible. 



Try It. 

 i man who can 



ten com- 

 mandmi ots win 



\ me; a poi 



plaster from the 

 small of his Lack has 



lived. 



Where She Fails. 



each a man any- 

 thing but common 



Divided in Opinion. 

 \ v fifty 



whether i' 



ury his stenog- 



er or a woman 



L,".)od nurse. 



Very Careless. 

 Our Louisiana friends who recently organ- 

 ized the Southern Cypress Manufacturers ' 

 Association were very careless in their 

 choice of a name for the organization, as 



have Kit themselves open 

 titinti i,i association nan 



first thing they know some of those smart 

 Chaps up at Duluth will organize the A 



Manufacturers' Association, 



plications 



trouble will ensue. 



Very Much Alike. 

 ing man 



log. 



