HARDWOOD RECORD 



1 1 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



A Happy Time. 

 When the reckless youth, with bills unpaid. 



Succeeds by much persuasion 

 In having his debts by his pa O. K.'d, 



He deems it a glad o-k-sion. 



A Discovery. 

 Says Johnson to Jorgenson, "I 

 Have frequently asked people why 

 They call these things "toasts." 

 That each banquet boasts; 

 Now I know- -they're so terribly dry. 



A Wrong Inference. 



A word ,,i- clause may now and then 

 Have mi ai age and varied ; 



But it isn't a w len wedding when 



A paii .'i Poles are married. 



Other Creditors. 



Many men owe all 

 thej* have in the 

 world to their wives 

 — and a lot more to 

 other people. 



Successful Politician. 

 The successful poli- 

 tician, according to a 

 woman's idea, is one 

 who succeeds in get- 

 ting pictures of his 

 wife and children in 

 the newspapers. 



The Reason. 



The reason women 

 so seldom fall asleep 

 in church, is because 

 the sermon is ended 

 before they finish 

 sizing up what their 

 friends have on. 



Economy of Power. 

 The less a man 

 blows the less wind 

 he has to employ in 

 making good. 



New Method. 

 The modern way to 

 spell trouble is a-u- 

 t-o-m-o-b-i-l-e! If the 

 policeman doesn't get 

 you the sheriff will. 



A Girl's Idea. 

 The average girl 

 imagines if she had 

 less sense and more 

 beauty she would be 

 a queen of society. 



Isn't It, Now? 

 It's difficult for a 

 lumber newspaper 

 man to love his con- 

 temporaries as they 

 love themselves. 



THE VACATION SEASON. 



Observer: Busy bunch, those hardwood fellows. Off on buying trips, I suppose. 

 The Wise One: They'll think so when they figuie up the stubs of their check books 

 the first of September. 



That's Her Business. 



A decided blonde 



may lie a brunette 



who lias changed her 



ii I. 



Cranks. 

 There is not much 

 hope for a man who 

 has reached the age 

 of forty and is not 

 more or less of a 

 crank. Cranks move 

 the machinery of the 

 world 



Maybe. 

 It is said that it is 

 better to have loved 

 and lost than never to 

 have loved at all, and 

 it may be better to be 

 president of a lumber 

 association or a lum- 

 ber newspaper than 

 to be no president at 

 all. 



Prosperity. 

 More men are 

 ruined by prosperity 

 than by adversity. 



A Good Creed. 

 Hope for the best, 

 prepare for the worst 

 — and cheerfully take 

 what <omes. 



Very Foolish. 

 There is no excuse 

 for a man when 

 climbing the ladder 

 of life to wear a red 

 patch on the seat of 

 his trousers. 



Trouble. 

 Trouble seldom 

 to those who 

 are not looking for 

 it. 



It Often Happens. 



They stood beneath a spreading tree 



And talked as lovers should ; 

 And then, to seal the compact, he 



Cut "Mabel" on the wood. 

 Now back to town they both have strayed. 



One day they chanced to meet ; 

 And then and there the selfsame maid 



Cut "Charlie"' on the street. 



— Puck. 



The Eight Thing to Do. 



When ye're up agin it, 



An' times are pretty rough, 



An' yer close are gettin' ragged, 



An' uv food there ain't enough, 



Don't set down an' grumble. 



Growl an' mope an' mumble, 



Jest git up an' let 'em know you're comin' 



Brace Up. 



w hen you see a fellow mortal 



Without fixed and fearless views ; 

 Hanging on the skirts of others; 



Walking in their cast-off shoes, 

 Why. walk yourself with firmer bearing ; 



Throw your moral shoulders back ; 

 Show your spine has nerve and marrow, 



.lust the things which his must lack. 

 — W. OF 



