HARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



The Sweet Thing. 

 Nobody knows her number ; 



Nobody knows her name ; 

 Nobody knows who buys her clothes. 



But she wears them — just the same : 



No Trouble. 

 •'Although It's true," remarked the clock, 



•'That by myself I have to flock, 

 Yet 'tis easy, day by day. 



For me to pass the time away." 



Alas! 

 I've an utter contempt for riches, mind ; 



For dollars and bonds and deeds. 

 But, alas ! my contempt Is not the kind 



Familiarity breeds. 



Genius. 

 It is only the man 

 of genius who is able 

 to conceal what he 

 does not know. 



Is It Not True? 



Some men impress 

 you as being such 

 hustlers they never 

 have time to do any 

 work. 



Another Name. 

 Rich thieves are 

 often called finan- 

 ciers. 



Fools. 

 It is only fools who 

 think that it is im- 

 possible for them to 

 make mistakes. 



The Soft Answer. 



Soft answers are 

 rarely given to turn 

 away wrath save 

 when the man looks 

 to be a hard hitter. 



Wisdom of the Brute. 

 The average dog is 

 a better judge of a 

 man than most men 

 are of women. 



Too True. 



Fear makes more 

 men honest than does 

 conscience. 



The Truth. 

 A man does not 

 amount to much un- 

 less he can prove it. 



Of Real Value. 

 A word of diplo- 

 macy is worth more 

 than a book of apol- 

 ogies. 



OAK PRICES. 



AND THE CAT CAME BACK. 



Popular. 



The popular hot 

 weather drink with 

 lota of chaps is the 

 one some other i 

 for. 



The Last Word. 

 The only waj 



gel Hi- 



with 



talk t in a 



wins i 



Few Indeed. 

 Very few men have 

 lived long enough to 

 realize how thorough- 

 ly unimportant they 

 are. 



Eight You Are. 

 Many a chap has 

 had his eyesight 

 ruined looking for 

 work in a saloon. 



Not Proof. 

 Never assume that 

 a man 's wife is a 

 blonde simply l> 

 you have seen stray 

 yellow hairs 

 coat sleeve. 



his 



A Difference. 

 Then UK some 

 lumbermen who 

 more time endeavor- 

 ing to avoid suspicion 

 than they ■!•> ' 

 spire confidence. 



What Counts. 



It is not the surfeit 

 of religion the church 

 member has that 

 counts so much as the 

 amount he shows in 

 his daily bus 



Aphorisms from an Ideal Husband. 



One should always play fairly when one has 

 the winning cards. 



An acquaintance that begins with a com- 

 pliment is sure to develop into a real friend- 

 ship. 



When a man has once loved a woman 

 will do anything for her except continue to 

 love her. 



Philanthropy is the n 

 wish to annoy their fellow-creatures. 

 Pleasure is the only thing to 

 Nothing ages like hapi i> 



Questions are never indiscreet, ans 

 sometimes are. 



man is rich enough to buy back his 



past is what on - the only 



likh people - ould be judged. 



vho allows hhns 

 i argument is a thoroughly unreasonable 



in women 



them. 



'II. eg to do v . o is 



