HARDWOOD RECORD 



ii 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



O, Promise Me. 



O, promise me that some day you and I 

 Will lunch together, somewhere, on the sly. 

 And you'll forget, just for one day, 

 The path that's called the straight and narrow 



way. 

 The dalliance path of primrose we will tread 

 And talk rare nonsense, while we eat French 



bread. 

 We'll drink from bottles cold, of bubbles free, 

 O, promise me! O, promise me! 



What Would She Do? 

 If I should die this eve 

 i wonder if she'd grieve. 

 And standing by my bier 

 Drop just one little tear ; 

 Or if she'd bustle round and get 

 Some other lobster for a pet : 

 I do not think she would — and yet 

 i'erhaps she only loves me so 



■■ sin- thinks I've got the dough. 

 I cannot tell, but this I know : 

 To him who reads a woman's brain 

 The riddle of the Sphinx is plain! 



Persistency Wins. 



The constant drop of water 



Wears away the hardest 



m straggle i"i pi 

 Brln rn . 



The constant, cooing lover 



ries off the blushing m 

 And the' constant advertiser 

 Is the one who gets the tn 



« J . K. 



Different Version. 

 A Pennsylvania 

 lumberman claims to 

 have fallen in love 

 with a widow, but 

 his friends say he 

 was sandbagged, and 

 has not yet come to. 



One Thing at a Time. 

 The wise sportsman 

 never loads his gun 

 and himself simul- 

 taneously. 



No Bnprovement. 



Succeeding ages 

 have made wonder- 

 ful progress, but no 

 improve ment has 

 been made on the 

 kiss old Adam in- 

 vented in the Gar- 

 den of Eden. 



Seldom. 



Barely it is that a 

 man has cause to re- 

 proach himself for 

 being too honest. 



Financial. 

 The income of 

 some married lum- 

 bermen is anywhere 

 from 9 P. M. to 3:30 

 A. M. 



Queer. 



Isn't it singular 

 that two men can 

 accidentally exchange 

 hats and both get 

 the worst of it? 



Too Bad. 



It is really a pity 

 that the average man 

 is seldom able to 

 catch up with his 

 brilliant future. 



THE SITUATION. 



The commercial hardwood forests of the United States will be extinct in twenty-tive Tears Vewt Item. 

 The Dominion of Canada contains a growth of virgin hardwood timber in excess of that posset 



New England. New York, Pennsylvania. Michigan and Wisconsin.— .\v»» Item. 

 Canada is the best customer for hardwood lumber possessed by the United States- Neat [tern. 



Uncle Sara Why don't you manufacture your own hardwoods ? 

 The Wily Canuck We're conserving our forests, expecting some time to find a 

 tomer who will pay what hardwood lumber is worth 



Isn't It, Though? 

 It is 

 good thin}; 



as they prefer 

 be. 



A Definition. 

 A theory is an im- 

 ical plan ol 

 complishing some- 

 thing that is im- 

 possible. 



Hypocrisy. 

 When the lust 

 ocrite dies the Devil 

 will not havi 

 faithful servant left 

 on earth. 



Not One in Ten. 



Not one man in 

 ten who has his price 

 is worth buying. 



Wouldn't It? 

 Wouldn't tin- 

 a satisfactory old 

 world if we were all 

 paid what we think 

 we are worth — and 

 actually earned the 

 money t 



Doing Well. 

 There are me 

 do well by doing 

 their best fries 



Never. 

 \ widow i 

 calls for help when a 



to kiss 

 it is the man 

 « liu needs help if ho 

 knew it. 



Beware. 

 Beware of a leaky 

 ind a 



What They Are After. 

 Many lumbermen are so anxious to have 

 salted grades done away with that they are 

 perfectly willing that every competito 



should ship honest lumber. 



No Hope. 

 There is no i; >pe <" r :i lumberman who 

 nt. of common 



i.i his t" 



Comes Too Late, 

 pitaph on : 



