HARDWOOD RECORD 



ii 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



One St. Partick Missed. 

 From Boston came prudish Miss Carter. 

 Wlni once saw a snake called the "garter." 

 When asked of Its kind 

 She blushed so refined, 

 And murmured : "I think you might — er — 

 Call the snake er — er — a hose supporter !" 



■ — New York PHESS. 



The Philosophy of Folly. 



How many people think they're good because 

 they've done no crime ; 

 How many think they've won success who 

 merely didn't fall ; 

 lliiw many who're untempted think their 

 id sublime. 

 And that they'll go to heaven because they 

 haven't gone to Jail ! 



She Knew. 



my father," was all that she said, 

 knew that 1 knew that her father was d 

 She knew that I knew what a gay life he'd led : 

 knew that I knew what Bhe meant when 

 she said, 



v father!'' 



P 



Lucky Man. 

 It is the lucky man 

 who is able to prove 

 to his oven satisfac- 

 tion that he is not a 

 fool. 



Popular. 



The most agree- 

 able fellow is the one 

 who does not talk 

 about himself so 

 much as to preclude 

 one 's talking about 

 oneself. 



Very True. 

 The man who talks 

 big things rarely does 

 any but small ones. 



You Know Them. 



Some men who al- 

 ways do the best, 

 don 't neglect to in- 

 clude their best 

 friends. 



Isn't There. 

 What a difference 

 there is between what 

 a man is and what he 

 pretends to be! 



A Difference. 

 Did you ever notice 

 that the men who 

 whine and the men 

 who win are not 

 alike? 



Sad. 



The truth is often 

 the most disagreeable 

 thing one can say 

 about some "people. 



Too True. 

 Good sense is less 

 plentiful with some 

 men than are dollars. 



WELCOME BACK! 



[Oyster Bay, L. I., Sent. 10.— As a mark of appreciation of the efforts made by 

 President Roosevelt in bringing about a peace treaty between Russia and Japan, the 

 Czar has ordered a discontinuance of discriminating duties on American products in 

 Russia.] 



Discriminating. 

 A wise mat 



ompa- 

 keep. 



Foresight. 



>my prac- 

 by many is sav- 



for others 

 tn dissi] 



Czar: Drive right in; glad to see you back; yon have the only tools worth while, 

 anyhow! 



Sure. 

 How much easier it 



is to tell people how 

 to do things than to 

 sliuw them. 



Something Wrong. 

 There is cither 

 something wrong with 

 a man or with his re- 

 ligion, it' I • 

 mist. 



Two of a Kind. 



The morals of the 

 rman who salts 

 his grades and the 

 grocer who sands his 

 Sugar arc very 

 alike. 



Not Specimens. 



A man's action* 

 are rarely as good as 

 the sample he sub- 

 mits. 



Inclination. 



It ofteus happens 



that a man, unable 



things he 



would like to, is too 



lazy to do the things 



Incredulous. 

 It is easier for a rich man to say that he 

 enjoys hard work than it is for a poor one 

 tn believe what he says. 



The Easy Way. 

 The reason so few men reach the top is 

 becau find it mi slide 



limb. 



Unaccountable. 

 A Kansas lumberman recently eloped with 

 h's mother-in-law. and Kansas is a prohibi- 

 tion state at that. 



Remarkable. 

 How much it does add to a girl's looks to 

 know that she is rich in her own right! 



Their Time. 

 Only dull people are brilliai akfast. 



Enough. 

 All thi ,im t0 



