36 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



It was moved and carried that an assessment of two cents a thou- 

 sand feet of lumber actually shipped from October 1, 1913, to Octo- 

 ber 1, 1914, be levied, one-half on December 1 and one-half on May 1. 

 This motion carried with it the provision that the minimum assess- 



ment be $20. This plan was formulated six months ago. 



G. von Platen made some earnest suggestions regarding stocks at 

 northern mills and relative to the necessity for conservative operating 

 during the wiuter. On motion the meeting adjourned. 



< fe5miJiWJMlS.H!miTOimiti>5TOai^>i^^ 



Tales of the Trade 



6^ 



He Drove Right In and Turned Around— Then Turned Around 



Again 



A. F. Aley of the Aley Lumber Company of Escanaba, Mich., 

 hasn't always been a lumberman, nor has he always driven an auto- 

 mobile. There was a time, several yeai-s ago, when Aley dealt in 

 ham, loins and other products of the hog and at that time he bought 

 an automobile to expedite the handling of the country trade near 

 Escanaba. Notwithstanding the fact that this is in reality several 

 years old it has just been <lisclosed and is again fresh in Aley's 

 mind, thanks to Escanaba friends. 



Aley bought the car, made not quite the usual number of trips 

 with the instructing salesman and then pronounced himself fully 

 capable of running it, and a few mornings after he bought the 

 machine Aley started, big as Bob Burman, away from the garage. 

 The machine had been started by a garage man and Aley got away 

 nicely because if there was anything he could do it was steer. For- 

 tunately for himself, he kept on low speed. 



The first customer was a butcher and grocer at a village named 

 Cornell. He heard Aley coming and was out in front to see the new 

 motor. He started out into the road, but backed speedily away as 

 he saw Aley was not slowing up but was apparently fussing with 

 the machine. It was well for him tliat he backed away because the 

 car kept right on going. The store was so situated that the machine 

 had a safe circle around it Aley made the circle a few times, but 

 lie knew that wasn't getting orders but rather laughs from the cus 

 tomer and the usual country store followers of Old Dobbin. It was 

 then Aley placed himself at the head of Escanaba 's salesmen. 



With one arm crocked in the steering wheel and with his note booli 

 fij-mly on top of the wheel Aley was ready to sell. In the meantime 

 the auto had become a mechanical toy, traveling in a given circle 

 around the store building. On the front porch stood the storekeeper 

 and his following, while around and axound went Aley. 



"AU ready," said Aley, premier salesman, as he passed the front 

 on one lap. 



' ' Ham, ' ' yelled the storekeeper. 



"Smoked, boiled or fresh?" questioned Aley with due gravity, as 

 he made the next lap. 



And so the order was taken and Aley, it is said, never sold small 

 orders. With the last item down in black and white, Aley made one 

 more lap in which to say "Thank you, goodbye," and was safely 

 on the return to Escanaba. As has been said before, he could run 

 the car, even though he could not stop it, and being the original 

 pilot, once at the garage door it was no trick to stop the motor 

 without putting it permanently out of business. 



Cutting the Melon for Clinty 



"Speaking of practical jokes" said T. E. Youngblood, general 

 manager Chicago office of the Payson Smith Lumber Company, "re- 

 minds me of one that I played on a lumberman neighbor several years 

 ago which afforded about as much amusement as anything I've ever en- 

 gaged in. This party, who for the sake of his feelings, we will call 

 Mr. Warren, was somewhat of a kidder himself and there was some- 

 thing continually going on between us as he lived next door. 



' ' One Sunday about dinner time, happening to spy a half water- 

 melon under the kitchen sink, which had been discarded by my wife 

 on account of being too green, a happy thought struck me, which I 

 proceeded to put into execution. Securing a carving knife I sliced 

 off a layer leaving the top looking rather red and juicy, then pro- 

 ceeded to plug it, taking out the plug carefully, then scooped out 

 the inside with a large kitchen spoon and filled the interior with corn 



cobs and dry bread, taking care to replug it nicely. 



"I Went to the phone and called Mr. Warren asking if he would 

 like a half a watermelon for dinner. It seems that Mrs. Warren 's 

 brother was visiting there from Montana and she had intended to 

 have peaches and cream for dinner but on questioning him as to whether 

 he would prefer this fruit or watermelon ("which Mr. Youngblood 

 has so generously offered us") he stated that he could get peaches 

 and cream any time but watermelons were very scarce in Montana 

 at that time. Mr. Warren came to the back door and secured the 

 melon paying a handsome compliment to me for my generosity and 

 being very profuse in his thanks. 



' ' When his wife essayed to cut the melon with the bread knife, 

 about the second stroke convinced her that the melon wasn 't as ripe 

 as it looked, she having landed on one of the cobs. 



" 'What's the matter, Dear?' asked Mr. Warren, 'Come here Clinty 

 and I will show you' replied his wife. 'No tell it to me' he answered. 

 'You will have to come and see it as I can't tell it,' returned Mrs. 

 Warren. 



"After the joke settled thoroughly into Mr. Warren's interior con- 

 sciousness there was war in the neighborhood for several days and any 

 presents that I sent him later were looked on with suspicion and no 

 thanks were forthcoming until a clean Ijill had been rendered." 



POOR FELLER, THEY SAY IT WAS CARBOLIC ACID— v'ol' KNOW 

 HE BET ON PHILADELPHIA. 



