HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Southern Tragedy. 



A beautiful damsel of Natchez 



Went roaming through nettleweed patches. 



Now she sits in her room. 



With a heart full of gloom. 

 And scratches, and scratches, and scratches. 

 — Chicago Tribune. 



**************** 



My Friend. 



He is my friend who loves me true, 



What e'er I do ; 

 W1h> loves me. and yet more than me, 



What I might be; 

 Whose trust in me's not even stirred 



By my own word ; 

 Who's loyal to me e'en when I 



Myself belle. 

 I think, with such a friend, I'd be 



Even such as he. — Frank Crane. 



******** ******** 



Ominous. 



When the racing car tears down the pike 



Its big prow like a driving spike, 



lis time for man and beast to hike'; 



And -the freckled farmer'd better flee 



When he hears the chauffeur shout with glee: 



"The funnel's life is the life for me." 



******** ******** 



Home. 

 Occas i n a 1 1 y a 

 man spends a lot of 

 time at his club be- 

 cause "there's no 

 place like home." 



A DOUBTFUL WARRANTY 



The Difference. 



Fools dilate where 

 a wise man will only 

 admit. 



Long Term. 

 Students in the 

 school of experience 

 are given their di- 

 plomas by the under- 

 taker. 



Wealth. 

 The modern stand- 

 ard of success — fools 

 worship it; ascetics 

 despise it; wise men 

 use it. 



Almost. 

 People who agree 

 to everything you 

 say are almost as 

 entertaining as 

 phonographs. 



In the Same Class. 

 When you dispute 

 with a fool, you may 

 be sure that he is 

 similarly employed. 



Well-Trained. 

 The people who are 

 least often deceived 

 are those who de- 

 ceive most often. 



Easier. 

 It is easier to ac- 

 quire a reputation 

 for greatness than it 

 is to keep it up. 



Helpful 

 Alarm clocks and 

 stepladders have 

 aided a great many 



men to get up in the 

 world. 



The Horse Trader.— "I warrant this boss kind, true and sound in wind and limb, save a slight 

 blemish on this nigh for'd leg. It may be that he should wear a consumers' boot on it." 



Intuition. 



It 's always intui- 

 tion when we guess 

 right. 



The Outcome. 

 Some men seem to 

 think that advertis- 

 ing comes out of the 

 profits; not a bit of 

 it — the profits come 

 out of the advertis- 

 ing. 



Troublesome. 

 Queer, isn't 

 that when you 

 about trying to 

 good by stealth, you 

 get the busy signal 

 so often? 



it, 



g° 

 do 



Equally Hard. 

 It 's just about as 

 difficult to find a 

 friend as it is to lose 

 an enemy. 



Useful. 

 Competitors, like 

 adversity, are useful 

 - — they force us to be 

 industrious, and in- 

 dustry is the greatest 

 developer of capa- 

 bility. 



The Difficulty. 

 Whisky will im- 

 prove with age, but 

 the trouble is it sel- 

 dom has the chance 

 to. 



Certainly Not. 

 A woman may be a howling success at 

 "harping" and yet not conform to the gen- 

 eral idea of an angel. 



The Other Fellow's. 

 The beauties of philosophy are far more 

 likely to appeal to one when trouble comes 

 — to the other fellow. 



Truly Wise. 

 The wisest man is not the one who makes 

 in: mistakes but the one who profits by the 

 ones be does make. 



The Way of the World. 

 A man never realizes the goodness of his 

 neighbors until he is sick— and he usually 

 forgets it the moment he is well. 



Listen. 

 One can always learn more from the ideas 

 expressed by others than by listening to 

 one's own conversation. 



But They're Kare. 

 There is sin-h a thing as the hypocrisy 

 ,.\ eice — there are people who are not as 

 wicked as they pretend to be. 



