HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Just a "Ballad of Repentance J\eW Year's Efe. 



1 do doI feel bo chipper as I should, 



A weakness seems to brood in either i 

 I think I'm even deader than the wood 



In the last discarded Christmas tree. 

 I wish 1 were a flounder in the sea — 



The waves would cool my forehead, 1 believe. 

 I ask you, gentle friends, to pity me; 



There was a punch bowl— somewhere — New 

 Year's Eve. 



I wouldn't give the address if I could, 

 , Trom petty tattling traits I'm ever free; 



The street — the last I saw of it -looked good. 



The number let us call it twenty-three, 

 l fell so great 1 used the pronoun "we'' 



Thinking a friend was hanging to my sleeve. 

 Bui now I moan "To be, or not to be?" 



There was a punch bowl somewhere New 

 Year's Eve. 



Thai nighl 1 felt as gay as Robin Hood, 



Who drank his mead In many a jolly spree; 

 Serene throughout the fray that punch howl 

 stood, 



Yielding its mammoth store of liquid glee : 



And then I started « Inding o'er i lie lea 

 To my abode, there was no 1 Ime to grlevi 



There's time I'm' nothing now save miser] 



There was a punch bowl somewhere New 

 Year's Eve. 



ENVOY. 



Prince! Do stomachs always disagree 



Willi well-meant 1'uletide cl r that thej re 



ceive 3 



Hell,, |c| in I,,,, six feel Of sad clehris 



There was a punch howl —somewhere New 

 Year's Eve ! William I'. KiltK. 



Always. 

 People who sow no 

 joy are the first ones 

 to complaiu when 

 they reap none. 



Very Common. 

 Honesty is the ex 

 <iuse of many a man 

 for his poverty. 



Longs for Death. 



Death is a weh 01110 

 relief to a man who 

 is forced to hustle 

 eighteen hours a day 

 in order to keep the 

 premiums .on his lite 

 insurance policies 



paid up. 



Best Charity. 

 It is better to put 

 warm clothes on a 

 few folks than to 

 talk about celestial 

 garments for many. 



But Don't Try It. 



You will never dis- 

 cover a man's true 

 nature until you per- 

 mit him to owe j mi 

 money. 



Our Common Failing. 

 With most men 

 duty means some- 

 tin n g unpleasant 

 which the other fel- 

 low ought to do. 



A Modern Defini- 

 tion. 



A pedestrian is a 

 chap who tries to in- 

 terfere with the 

 progress of an auto- 

 mobile. 



PREVAILING SENTIMENT. 



One View of It. 



The aim of 1 lie liar 

 is simpjy In charm, 

 to delight, to give 

 pleasure. lie is the 

 verj basis of civil- 

 ized society. 



Real Talent. 

 Some men have 



bus ss tact, but, it 



is the financial gen- 

 ius Who 'in r 



11 ; "ot Mi' each 



ami every bank- 

 ruptcy. 



Accidental. 



Many a fool has 

 acquired a reputa- 

 tion for wisdom by 

 accidentally doing 

 the right thing at 

 the right time. 



Beware. 



The man who has 

 a kind word for 

 'everybody generally 

 is suspected of hav 

 ing something up his 



Too Busy. 



An.l some people 

 arc so industrious 

 that when they 



ha \ en '1 s ething 



to do they proceed 

 to do somebody. 



Hardwood Lumberman: — "This looks dead easy to me. 



As We All Know. 



It is so much cas 

 ier to tell what 

 ought to be done 

 than it is to yet busy 

 and do it. 



For Vegetarians. 

 Meat eating may he very bad. 

 But all the trouble you have had — 

 And all that's in the world to boot — 

 Was caused, we're told, by eating fruit. 



— The Bohemian. 



A Paradox. 



Way down in old Kentucky, 



This paradox was born : 

 The corn is in the Colonel, 



Ami the kernel's in the corn ! 



An Ad — Vantage. 



I le who would add unto his I rade 



Should have an "ad." and well displayed. 

 For "ads." it' one knows how to 

 AUil ie one's trade ad infinitum 



