HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



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Perseverance. 

 A cat in despondency sighed, 

 And resolved to commit suicide ; 

 He got under the wheels 

 Of nine automobiles, 

 And after the last one he died. 



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Helpful. 



Little drops of water, 



Little sprigs of mint, 

 And some cracked Ice with it, 



And some whisky in't, 

 Help to pass the hours 



In a pleasant way. 

 Help to bring a headache 



At the dawn of day. 



— Houston Post. 



Mr. 



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Before and After. 



She always addressed him as 

 Until he took courage and Kr. 



But now that they're wed 



Like a brute he has said 

 That he wishes to goodness he'd Mr. 



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At the Summit. 

 The finest prospects 

 in life are found at 

 the summit of dis- 

 agreeable duties. 



Always. 

 When a man has 

 occasion to boast of 

 his past, he always 

 selects a part of it 

 that others have for- 

 gotten. 



Doing Things. 



Part of the art of 

 doing things is to at- 

 tempt but little at a 

 time. 



Types. 



Some people take 

 things as they come 

 and others grab them 

 as they go. 



Patience. 



Patience isn't nec- 

 essarily a virtue; 

 more often it's a 

 necessity. 



Wise. 

 It's a good plan to 

 begin with an um- 

 brella in laying up 

 for a rainy day. 



Busy Folks. 

 All the world's a 

 stage — and the ma- 

 jority of us sit in the 

 gallery and throw 

 things at the per- 

 formers. 



Encouraging. 

 Most of us put to 

 the gossip the query 

 "what else do you 

 know?" when we 

 should say "how do 

 you know?" 



BUSINESS NOTE 



News Item: "An old hardwood concern now under lady management. 



Disappointing. 

 The pessimist is of- 

 ten disappointed in 

 finding that things do 

 not turn out as bad 

 as anticipated. 



Easily Satisfied. 



People have 

 reached the limit of 

 self-importance when 

 they a r e satisfied 

 with their owu so- 

 ciety. 



Tree. 



It \s not the profan- 

 ity we utter so much 

 as that we cause for 

 which we should be 

 taken to task. 



Dangerous. 

 Beware of the man 

 who is an adept at 

 making excuses. 



Naturally. 

 This is a dirty 

 world to the people 

 who seek nothing but 

 dust. 



Not Altogether Bad. 

 Life never looks al- 

 together bad to the 

 man with a clean 

 shave. 



What Follows. 

 One good turn is 

 usually followed by 

 two bad ones — in the 

 variety show. 



Mistaken. 

 Most men know a 

 great deal less than 

 they think other men 

 think they know. 



Style Note. 

 There are no pock- 

 ets in shrouds. 



One Way. 

 A spinster has been known to advance 

 step by step until she finally became a step- 

 mother. 



Expensive. 



It doesn't cost half as much to live as it 

 does to make a favorable impression on the 

 neighbors. 



Three to One. 

 The three balls in front of the pawn- 

 broker's shop indicate that the chances are 

 three to one of his getting the best of the 

 bargain. 



Egotism. 

 The ' belief that we are necessary while 

 living and shall be remembered when dead. 



The Difference. 



If a man shows up the evil of our ways, 

 he is a kicker; if he gets after the other 

 fellow he is a reformer. 



The Truth. 

 There are so many ways of lying that 

 some people do not seem to be able to tell 

 the truth. 



