HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



So Wags the World. 



Knock, and the world knocks \\iih you; 



Boost, and you boost alone. 

 When you roasl good nrnl loud you will find that 

 the crowd 



Has a hammer ;is big as your own. 



Buy, arid the gang is with you : 



Renig, ami the game is off. 

 For the lad with the thirst will see you first 



If you don't proceed to cough. 



Be rich and lite gang will praise you ; 



r-' poor, and they pass you 'he Ice. 

 You're a warm young guy when you start to buy, 



You're a slob when you haven't the price. 



Be Hush, and your friends are many; 



Go broke, and they say "Ta-ta ;" 

 When your hank account burns, .von will gel 

 great returns, 



When It's out, you will get the ha-ha. 



the 



will 



lie gay, and 



They'll shoul \\ bile youi 



sin.u ;i tearful lamp ami 

 i ra nip. 



And it's back to He- woods for yours. 



There's always a buncb to boost you 

 while at your 1 ley they glance; 



lint you'll find them all gone in the cold 

 dawn. 

 When the fringe shows up on your pants. 



beer yuu ; 

 weal! h endures : 

 you'll see them all 



gl .n 



Always. 

 Always keep to the 

 right and you won't 

 go wrong. 



Even That. 

 Being bad all the 

 time e v e n grows 

 monotonous. 



Eare. 

 Common sense is 

 an uncommonly good 

 thing to possess. 



The Eeason. 



.Many a man walks 

 around on his uppers 

 because he is unable 

 to run into debt. 



Essential. 



Money isn't the 

 only thing in the 

 world — but it takes 

 money to get the 



oi hers. 



Little Consolation. 

 About all the con- 

 solation some men get 

 out of losing their 

 money is the belief 

 that they are dead 

 game sports. 



A Definition. 

 Success is a con- 

 stant sense of discon- 

 tent, broken by brief 

 periods of satisfac- 

 tion on doing some 

 especially good piece 

 of work. 



On the Way to the 

 Top. 

 A man is a coward 

 if he lets another 

 knock him. down 

 when climbing, and 

 still more of a cow- 

 ard if he tries to rise 

 by knocking another 

 down. 



•OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES." 



First Bov "I've got a bully ball!" 



Second Boy "I've got a cracker-jack bat!" 



Both Boys— "Let's play ball!" 



— From Hardwood Record, Jan. i« rgos. 



It is to be hoped that at last they have concluded to PLAY BALL. 



Uncertain Fortune. 

 Fortune smiles on 

 some people and 

 laughs at many. 



A Frequent Waste. 



A decision without 

 accompanying acts is 

 a waste of brain 

 power. 



The Skeptic. 



A skeptic is a man 

 who uses testing 

 acids on his golden 

 opportunities. 



Exciting. 

 A club is .1 place 

 where middle-aged 

 men sit around and 

 tell each other what 

 devils they used to be. 



Big Majority. 

 Xine persons out of 

 a possible ten are dis- 

 satisfied either with 

 what they have or 

 with what they 

 haven't. 



The Point. 



After all, getting 

 replies to an adver- 

 tisement is not half 

 the battle. It is the 

 follow-up that makes 

 customers out of in- 

 quirers. 



Just So. 

 You will notice that 



the millionaires who 

 talk so niueli about 

 the certainty of re- 

 ward for earnest ef- 

 fort keep a pr< 1 1 

 close watch on the 

 payrolls to see that 

 the promised reward 

 doesn 't make much of 

 an inroad on their in- 

 comes. 



Their True Mission. 

 Heaven first taught letters for some wretch's 

 aid, 

 Some banished lover, or some captive maid." 

 Hut now we know they're handy for devising 

 <iood. up-to-date, effective advertising. 



His Lucky Stroke. 

 For years he toiled in penury. 



Then made a fortune in three weeks 

 By taking down his junkshop sign 



And making it to read "Antiques." 



Cold Consolation. 

 Don't let your troubles make you sigh, 



They're certain to disperse. 

 You will have ot Iters, by and by, 

 And maybe they'll be worse. 



— Washington Star. 



