HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



To buy or not to buy; ah, there's the rub, 



Whether it be better that I delve 



Deep in the pocket of my pantaloons 



And take therefrom the paltry coins, and few. 



Or, chop short off, and chopping thus refrain 



From calling at her home as heretofore ; 



Christmas Cunning. 



Side-step her In the street as best I may, 

 Likewise at ball and parties, operas, too, 

 A van nt Vamoose — Flee — Vanish — Disappear — 

 In short, drop from this mundane sphere forth- 

 with. 



1'ntil the season wanes and is no moiv. 

 And by SO dropping, chances take — they're des- 

 perate 1 know — 

 Of later winning back affections lost, 

 ly this, the nmsi cold-blooded scheme extant. 



— W. op 0. 



Hard to Please. 

 The man that 

 wants most in this 

 world is the man who 

 really doesu 't know 

 what he does want. 



Woman. 



Would that wc 

 might fall into her 

 arms without falling 

 into her hands. 



Religion. 

 Some men look 

 upon religion as a 

 sort of moral fire es- 

 cape. t 



Success. 

 Keep to the trail. 

 Success lies in con- 

 tinued effort along a 

 certain line. 



Not Related. 

 Charity and piety 

 are not always on 

 speaking terms. 



The Difference. 



A man 's age com- 

 mands veneration; a 

 woman 's commands 

 tact. 



Very Often. 

 It is the power of 

 speech that often de- 

 velops a man's weak- 

 ness. 



The Danger. 



The danger's not 

 in the big ears of 

 little pitchers but in 

 the big mouths. 



Lose by Winning. 



Lucky in love and 

 unlucky at cards 

 often means that you 

 lose by winning. 



A ROCKY ROAD. 



Objections. 

 Objections may be 

 unpleasant to meet 

 but they are helpful 

 if you are successful 

 in overcoming them. 



Making Friends. 



Do a man a good 

 turn and you will 

 straightway begin to 

 like him; do him 

 harm and you will 

 soon learn to despise 

 him. 



True. 



An inspiration is 

 greater than an ex- 

 ample. 



She's a Shark. 

 The profess i n a 1 

 dressmaker is about 

 the only woman in 

 the world who is good 

 at figures. 



Self -Confidence. 



One of the most 

 difficult things for a 

 man to acquire is 

 self-con fidence un- 

 adulterated by ego- 

 tism. 



Ended at Least. 



About the easiest 

 way to settle an 

 argument is to shut 

 up. 



Poor Choice. 



When a man is un- 

 able to choose be- 

 tween two evils, he 

 not inf requently 

 hunts up a third. 



How the hardwood situation looks to a good many manufacturers. 



Very Few. 

 When money talks 

 iv u of us are hard 

 of hearing. 



Some day 



I'll write the promised letters that I owe 

 To all the many dearest friends I know, 

 And big and little debts I'll surely pay — 



Some day. 



Some day 



I'll scorn the soothing weed in various forms. 

 The fragrant pipe, the mild Havana's charms, 

 And shun the flowing bowl fore'er and aye — 



Some day. 



'Ballad of "Procrastination. 



Some day 



To one fair maid my heart I shall resign, 

 To her myself and worldly goods assign, 

 Her girlish wishes and commands obey — 



Some day. 



Some day 



I'll reach the topmost pinnacle of fame, 

 Iilazon abroad the glory of my name. 

 All youthful follies sternly cast away — 



Some day. 



Si ■ day 



I'll realize that Spring has long gone by, 

 Sweet Summer past, and Winter drawing nigh, 

 December snows Instead of flowers of Maj 



Some day. 

 Some day 



These things I prophesy might come to pas-. 

 But long ere then, beneath the wind blown 



grass, 

 I fancy I shall in. ike a pleasant stay, 



For aye. 



