HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



A Matter of Habit. 

 An Eskimo sleeps in his bearskin, 



In the coldest weather, I'm told ; 

 If I should sleep in my bare skin, 

 I'd catch a most terrible cold 



Once More. 



Lives of great men all remind 11s 

 That it pays to run a bluff 



And, desiring fame to find us, 

 Advertising is the stuff. 



— Kansas City TIMES. 



Cough Medicine. 

 I bad a little husband 

 I never knew a worse 



For better than his wile or lit'' 



11,' loved his little purse. 

 I did my best to wheedle him — 



He saw my deep Intent, 

 And though he had a chronic cough 



He never coughed a cent. 

 So I sought a little Lawyer 



My husband's own close crony — 

 A ml divvied with the man of law 



My lawful alimony. 



— Reginald Weight Kaiiiwian. 



His Own Fault. 



r • Lazarus was a beggar, 



Whom everybody despised 



Hut lie might have been the Ki.li .Man, 

 Had he only advertised. 



Striking an Average. 

 \\ r ishes of millionaires and hungry tramps 



Would average up ;is pretty nearly right ; 

 One envies t'other till that splendid food, 

 While t'other envies one that appetite. 



Steickxand W. GlLLILAX. 



HIS FORTUNE. 



Grade Juggler — You're going to live to a ripe old age (if I have my way). 



Right. 

 Every man has a right to his opinion, 

 but has he a right to bore everybody else 

 with it .' 



True. 

 No civilized man ever regrets a pleasure 

 and no uncivilized man knows what a 

 pleaure is. 



Rare Birds. 

 Opportunities are rare and those who 

 know when and how to seize them are still 

 rarer. 



A Fact. 

 The man who has never been ashamed 

 of himself has nothing of which he might 

 be proud. 



Compromises. An Old Proverb. 



Bewail' of compromises; he who has Neither beg of him who lias been a 



most of cunning gets the best of it. beggar nor serve him who has been a 



servant. 



What's the Use? 

 We sol, lom repenl of our sins until we 

 have to. 



Good Reason. 



The only reason some folks never go 

 broke is that they haven't enough to go 



Deserves Credit. 



The rising generation is greatly in- broke on. 



debted to the inventor of the alarm clock. Little in Common. 



Fishing. About the only connection promise and 



Women who lish for compliments find performance can lay claim to is'that they 



thorn most frequently in shallow water. both begin witli the same letter. 



The Truth. Cleverness. 



Trifling troubles talk; or, at griefs are Cleverness is serviceable for everything, 



dumb. sufficient for nothing. 



