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Inspection Philosophy 



By VAN B. PERRINE 



"Dressers," now it seems to me, were once as "bureaus" known. 

 And "wash stands" of our father's time have into "commodes" grown. 

 But what's there in the name we give to things we're making now? 

 You can sUck up just about the same, most all of you'll allow. 

 When standing 'fore a dresser with comb and brush in hand, 

 And wash up on the new commode — the same as on the stand. 

 And then the old time "sofa" was about the same we'll say 

 As "davenports" we're making now, or calling them today. 



For a dozen eggs — just twelve we count — same the country o'er; 



No one thinks of adding some or counts them half a score ; 



A bushel of wheat has sixty pounds, in oats there's thirty-two, 



And corn is figured at sixty-eight, as everyone knows is true. 



Two thousand pounds is the standard ton of hay or any old thing, 



But doesn't make the price per ton that any of them bring. 



When "timothy" sells so much per ton, if mixed with lots of "clover," 



Down goes the price for this standard ton, true the country over. 



The "firsts" and "seconds" understood way back some thirty years 



Are not the same we ship now days for "first and second clears." 



And the "common" numbered "two" and "three, " inspectors quarrel about, 



Didn't give much trouble then — they were always fired out. 



"Mill culls," "scoots," sawdust, wood — things we're selling now — 



Weren't worth the hauling bill, I know you'll all allow. 



"Number one," just "common" then, and the "culls," if I am right. 



Didn't have a market price back thirty years tonight. 



'Dressers' were once as 'bureaus' known." 



So I've been thinking somewhat, and thinking mighty strong. 



Wondering what was best to do if 'twould help the thing along 



To write a bit of verse like this, as everyone must see, 



We should all of us get together now and make inspection rules agree. 



The only thing that's bothering at all, wherein we are divided, 



Is counting up some defects in the lumber that's two-sided. 



Let's inspect it from the worst side, or let's inspect it from the best ; 



But let's inspect it all the same and never mind the rest. 



'And the 'common' numbered 'two' and 

 'three' inspectors quarrel about." 



Don't fuss about inspection rules, what's "culls," or "one's," or "two's," 



From the different grades, when standard once, most any one can choose. 



Don't worry 'bout that "common" grade, or "one," or "two," or "three," 



"Bout knots or sap on either side, so long as we all agree. 



And have a rule that's standard East, or North, or South, or West, 



Inspected from the worst side, or inspected from the best ; 



Let's all agree, make standard grades, then I say it with inflection. 



We needn't worry 'bout grading more — we'll have international inspection. 



And when we get this standard grade, on which we all agree, 



(Don't lose the point I'm making here) as every one can see, 



If timber cuts out good or poor, or cuts out bad we'll say, 



'Twill fix the price we're bound to charge for lumber sold today. 



Who'll care about a "select" grade, or where the "liners" go? 



Who'll care about the side of boards on which the defects show? 



Who'll care what makes the "common" grade, or what a "cull" should be? 



Who'll care a damn about the rules so long's we all agree? 



And, if I were a prophet, dead sure of what I say. 

 Thirty years along from now, or a hundred from today, 

 I'd prophesy inspection rules, like weights and measures now, 

 Will be the same all o'er the world, and folks will wonder how 

 We ever got along at all, how without a standard grade. 

 We could transact any business, however, we could trade. 

 When some of us inspected boards from the side that didn't show. 

 And others only saw the side on which the defects grow. 



-25— 



