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Peru Pertinent and Impertinent 



I may not have the strength to bear 

 The heavy burdens of the day. 



With stronger men than I to fare 

 And brave the thickest of the fray. 



But I can play my little part 



Each day with cheerfulness of heart. 



But He Hoped To 



Two Northerners, 

 traveling in the moun- 

 tains of Kentucky had 

 gone for hours and 

 hours without seeing a 

 sign of life. At last 

 they came to a cabin in 

 a clearing. The hogs 

 lay in their dirt holes, 

 the thin cla.ybank mule 

 grazed round and round 

 in a circle to save the 

 trouble of walking, and 

 one lank man, whose 

 clothes were the color 

 of the claybank mule, 

 leaned against a tree 

 and let time roll by. 



"How do you do?" 

 said one of the North- 

 erners. 



"Howdy ':" 



"Pleasant country." 



The native shifted his 

 quid and grunted. 



"Lived here all your 

 life?" 



The native spat pen- 

 sively in the dust. "Not 

 yit," he said languidly. 

 — Crocker Quality. 



Easily Proved 



Lady (to small boy 

 who is tlshing) — "I 

 wonder what your 

 father would say it he 

 caught you tishiag on 

 Sunday." 



Boy — "I don't know. 

 You had better ask him. 

 That's him a little far- 

 ther up the stream." — 

 Lippincott's. 



That Chunk of Ice 



"Yes, sir." said the 

 suburbanite. "I found a 

 hailstone as large as a 

 goose egg on my hack 

 porch this morning, 

 and " 



"Get out 1" exclaimed 

 tiis one man audience. 

 "You must have been 

 dreaming." 



"Something like 

 that," admitted the 

 other, "I discovered 

 later that the iceman 

 had left It." 



Contentmeut 



It may be I was not designed 



For leadership or splendid deeds, 



But somewhere surely, I can find 

 A task that just my service needs ; 



A burden I can bear alone. 



That calls for just what strength I own. 



HARDWOOD PRICES 



Anxious Mother: "Don't climb too high; you might feJl." 



And so, though I may miss the heights 

 That stronger men than I attain. 



And tail to win the world's delights 

 That men. more able than I, gain. 



If all my efforts have been fine. 



Their glory is no more than mine. 



— Detroit Free Press. 



Extremely Beneficial 



Wife — "So you really 

 imagine smoking bene- 

 fits you." 



Husband — "I know it 

 does. Your mother 

 leaves the room every 

 time I light my pipe." 



Good Argument 

 "Kindly release my 

 hand, Mr. Wombat. I 

 could never learn to 

 love you." 



"How do you know 

 you can't, if you won't 

 try a sample lesson?" — 

 Lvuisville Courier-Jour- 

 11 aJ. 



Wasn't Any 



"This is what we call 

 continuous vaudeville," 

 explained the city man. 



"Oh. I see," ex- 

 claimed the country 

 cousin. "No wonder I 

 couldn't get the drift of 

 the plot." — Louisville 

 Con rier-Journ al. 



Could Not Stand for 

 That 



"How in the world 

 did you get Miss Tart 

 to consent to marry 

 you ?" 



"Do you think it 

 strange that any one 

 should wish to marry 

 me?" 



"No-o, but she told 

 me she wouldn't marry 

 you it you were to ask 

 her on your bended 

 knees." 



"I did not ask her to 

 marry me, I dared her 

 to." — Houston, Post. 



Truth crushed to 

 earth may rise again, 

 but it's apt to stay 

 down long enough for a 

 lie to get away with the 

 goods. 



Many men would like 

 to live on both sides of 

 the globe at once and 

 run their business night 

 and day. 



No Eye for Effect 



Bridget — "Phwy did ye paint a thing like 

 that?" 



Artist, an Impressionist — "That ! That is my 

 exhibition picture — 'A Symphony in Brown.' " 



Bridget — "Sure I thought it waz a picture of 

 the shpot I burned in y'r shirt bosom wld a hot 

 iron." — yeto York Wcckli/. 



—24— 



A Quite Natural Hesitancy 

 Mr. Brown, looking for his wife, asked the 

 cook : 



"Bridget, can you tell me of my wife's where- 

 :i bouts?" 



liridget, evidently embarrassed, hesitated be- 

 fore replying, "I think they are in tlrt wash, 

 sorr," 



The Meanest Man 



Diner — "I suppose you are accustomed to get- 

 ting very large tips." 



Waiter — "Yes, the patrons here are very gen- 

 erous." 



Diner — "Then you can easily overlook the 

 trilling one I am compelled to give you." — 

 Philailelphia Evening Telegraph. 



