HAKUWOOD RECORD 



39 



"Xo horse there that I see," and this was solemnly sworn to by 

 the other men of the party. Several bystanders became interested 

 and at a wink from the ringleader of the bunch, Aleck swears that 

 every member of the crowd swore that there was no horse in sight. 

 He and his friends, followed by the crowd, walked up and down 

 the street arguing the matter, but not being able to come to an 

 agreement, they visited the proprietor of the building, who posi- 

 tively stated that to his best knowledge and belief no horse had 

 ever been in the store, nor had he ever known of one even looking 

 at it as he passed. 



There is a certain notary in Chicago, who claims that on that- 

 particular day a portly, well dressed, fine looking gentleman, 

 apparently from the South, appeared before him and signed a 

 certain legal document, the fulfillment of which was calculated to 

 prevent traveling salesmen seeing ' ' day horses " or " night mares. ' ' 



SCIENCE UNAPPRECIATED 



Several years ago, when the city of Duluth was building its 

 Aerial bridge, which by the way is the only one of its kind in the 

 city and one of two in the world at large, Bert Trump, the genial 

 salesman of the Thomas & Proetz Lumber Company of St. Louis, 

 visited that city. This bridge is in the form of three sides of a 

 square, the water forming the fourth and passengers are carried 

 in a car suspended from the top side, much as a basket is carried 

 on the under side of a cable and the frame extends probably 135 

 feet in the air. 



Bert looked at it for some time and then remarked to a com- 

 panion that he did not see how people were to make much time 

 climbing up the sides of that thing, and unless they had a very high 

 railing he thought there would be danger of their blowing off in a 

 storm. He later explained that he did not think he was to be 

 blamed for not understanding the thing if this was the only one in 

 captivity at the present time. 



POMPEIIAN CREAM IS RECOMMENDED 



A. C. Connor of the Joyce-Connor Lumber Comiiauy of Minne- 

 apolis, recently had an experience which proved conclusively to 

 him that "beauty is only skin deep." 



When going through tonsorial operations, his barber persuaded 

 him to take an electric machine massage, but on every attempt to 

 run the rubber vibrator over Mr. Connor's face, the machine 

 stopped. 



"Alex" stated that he had heard of faces that would stop a 

 clock, but had really never dreamed that his would stop a machine. 



JOHN, THE ENTHUSIAST 



John W. Burns of the Conasauga Lumber Company of Cincin- 

 nati is considerable of a baseball fan and the story is told, that 

 on attending a game last year in Cincinnati, he arrived while the 

 game was in progress and after alighting from the car and while 

 making a "bee line" for the gate, felt something strike him in the 

 side, but in his enthusiasm he paid no attention to it. He realized, 

 however, that "something was doing" in the park and after secur- 

 ing his seat, asked a neighbor what had happened. He was in- 

 formed that one of the long hitters had knocked a ball over the 

 fence. 



Mr. Burns became much engrossed in the game and after an 

 exciting period, during which he had done his best to root for the 

 home team, he felt for his handkerchief to remove evidence of his 

 exertion, and was astonished to find a league ball in his pocket; it 

 then developed that the aforementioned "home run" had been 

 unconsciously recovered by him outside the fence. 



John says it makes him sick to think of wasting that fifty cents, 

 as he could have gotten in free with the ball. 



SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE 



Not long ago a friend of A. S. Bliss of the A. S. Bliss Lumber 

 Company of Minneapolis, was given a sock shower by his intimate 

 friends in honor of the near approach of his marriage. Quite late 

 on the afternoon of the event Mr. Bliss hurried home, intending to 

 have the partner of his sorrows and joys wrap up his package. 

 To his disappointment she was out, and he hustled around finding 



string, paper, etc., for the necessary arrangement of the package. 

 Grabbing up a card from his card case, he hastily wrote his best 

 wishes and started out with quite a satisfied feeling. 



Arrived at the shower, of course the bundles were opened amid 

 the reading of the congratulations, and imagine the surprise of 

 Mr. Bliss on hearing this epitaph: "With love and deepest sym- 

 pathy, from A. S. Bliss." 



Explanation: It seems that Mrs. B. had been sending flowers for 

 the funeral of a friend and after writing one card, was not satis- 

 fied, so wrote another, and Mr. Bliss had accidentally picked up the 

 one that had been discarded. It took several apologies to make this 

 right with the prospective bridegroom. 



LUMBER PHILOSOPHY 



"I have never seen a mill yard yet," remarked a jobber, "that 

 did not have many odds and ends and piles of stock, which the 

 millman was anxious to move, and I have rarely taken a trip 

 to the mills that I haven't found in their yard, one or more items 

 that I could place promptly. It is a strange thing to me that so 

 few millmen have a policy of going through their yards at frequent 

 intervals, listing these items and putting them before their cus- 

 tomers. 



"If I could educate my mill connections to do this, it would 

 enable me to move a quantity of stock for them and allow them 

 to turn perfectly dead items into cash. 



' ' It has always been a policy of mine to allow my customer to 

 make some money on stock he buys from me. I will attend to 

 my end of the profit, but I endeavor as much as possible to make 

 a price to him, especially in any bargains offered to me, so that the 

 man considers me as a valuable man from whom to buy. 



"I know of a retail yard man who boasts that his buying is 

 done so closely that no one ever makes any money on their 

 sales to him. This, I believe, is a poor policy, as the salesman and 

 the manufacturer who have bargains to offer certainly will not put 

 them up to the man who is not profitable to them. The well 

 trodden path is to the door of the man who is willing to give as 

 well as take. 



"I once knew a wholesaler who always represented his stock 

 so high as to grade, widths and lengths, in fact everything con- 

 nected with it, that when he did have a good car of lumber and so 

 described it nobody believed it. Nothing that he offered was ever 

 other than 'gilt edged,' with a few gold dollars hanging down at 

 the end of each board, and I am confident that he suffered in con- 

 sequence with the trade." 



The Lumber Situation in Buffalo 



The Buffalo Lumber Exchange reports that the lumber receipts by 

 canal during the year ending Dec. 31, 1911, were 65,811,000 feet. 

 Domestic receipts by lake for the year were 80,035,000 feet. There 

 were 688,599,000 shingles of domestic manufacture brought in via 

 lake steamers. All of these items represent a very material increase 

 over the report of the year before. The receipts of lumber by rail 

 and lake during the year ending Dec. 31, 1911, were 47,994,000 feet, 

 a decrease of almost 20,000,000 feet. Rail receipts of hardwood 

 during the year were 41,160,000 feet, a decrease of 2,776 carloads 

 over the previous year. The next in volume was yellow pine, repre- 

 senting receipts of 22,176,000 feet, showing an increase of 299 cars. 

 The receipts of hemlock were increased by 196 cars during the year. 

 The total receipts of lumber, 102,901,000 feet, represented a de- 

 crease of 32,113,400 feet. The grand total of all receipts of forest 

 products as lumber in board feet was 307,914,000 feet, representing 

 an increase of 23,260,000 feet over the previous year. 



Against these figures are shipments of 44,898,000 feet of hardwood, 

 a decrease of 2,021 cars; 8,704,000 feet of yellow pine, a decrease of 

 33 cars, and 61,364,000 feet of white pine, an increase of 781 cars. 

 The grand total of shipments by rail as lumber was 149,591,000 feet, 

 showing an increase of 8,156,000 feet over the previous year. 



A report of stocks on hand at the Buffalo yards Dec. 31, 1911, shows 

 60,267,000 feet of hardwood; 7,571,000 feet of yellow pine; 51,- 

 190,000 feet of white pine. The total of all was 145,385,000 feet. 



