Where Joues Went 



A series of revival services was being held In 

 a western city, and placards giving notice of 

 the services w^ere posted In conspicuous places. 

 One day the following notice was posted ; "Hell, 

 Its Location and Absolute Certainty. Thomas 

 Jones, baritone soloist, will sing 'Tell Mother 

 I'll Be There.' " 



It's i>etter to be long headed than headlong. 



If riches have wings, a man may be able to 

 chase the mighty dollar more successfully with 

 the aid of an airship. 



The bill rendered by experience is never sul)- 

 Jecl to discount. 



Dawn in the Forest 

 Like a grey nun across the eastern hill 



The dawn creeps slowly, in her hand a star. 



The forest stirs to greet her faint and far 

 rulses the music that the vastness fills. 

 In cloistered columns stands the pine that shrills 

 Beneath her breath, while like some gate ajar. 



That shadows and the silences unbar. 

 The night swings backward as the new day wills. 

 Above the murmur of dim forest ways 



Rises a paean — music's very own — 

 Clear as the pealing of a convent bell ; — 



So sad, so sweet — like love lost or out- 

 grown ; — 

 The forest-loving songsters' matin praise, 



In silvery tones repeating, "All is well." 



— EiJith 'WUUs Lyiui. 



Bark and Squeal 



"Nothing lost here but the squeal," declared 

 the pork packer. "Are you as economical in 

 conducting your business?" 



"Just about," answered the visitor. "I'm 

 in the lumber business. We waste nothing but 

 the bark." — y^ashington Herald. 



Anyway, the unwritten law seems to have a 

 lot written about it. 



Excuse for High Prices 



Howell — "It costs a good deal more to live 

 than it used to." 



t owell — "Well it's worth the difference." — 

 ycic York Press. 



MONOTONOUS MARTYRDOM 



"What! Another? Just for that I'll jump the wall and let one of you be the offering." 



Misfit 



Tailor — "Sir, I have made clothes for some of 

 the best houses." 



Customer — "Maybe they will fit a housa. They 

 certainly won't fit a man." — Puck. 



What She Wanted 



The Small Boy — " 'Arf a pound o' yel- 

 ler soap, please, and muvver says will 

 you please wrap it up in a good love 

 story." — Sketch. 



Just What He Would Like 



"Please gimme a nickel, ma'am?" 



"Didn't I see you going out of a saloon a mo- 

 ment ago?" 



"I guess mebby you did, ma'am." 



"Well, I reckon you are not ashamed to own 

 it." 



"I don't own it, ma'am. I only wish I did." 

 True hope is swift, and flies with swallow's 



wings. 

 Kings it makes gods and meaner creatures man. 



. — Shakespeare. 



Unreasonableness 



Mrs. Hewitt — "Does the climate agree with 

 your husband?" 



Mrs. Jewett — "That's more than I'd expect 

 of any climate." 



Uncalled For 



Murphy — "Oi want to get a fust class auty- 

 raobile for me woife." 



.\uto Dealer — "Long body." 



Murphy — "None of yure business ! She's huilt 

 like a barrel, but Oi didn't come here to dis- 

 cuss her shape wid ye." — Pnck. 



—25— 



