We are all of us acquainted 



With the different types of men 

 Who with goods galore to sell us 



Oft invade our private den. 

 Each with method quite peculiar 



Seeks our orders to obtain 

 And to make a good impression 



So he may come back again. 



First we see the open jollier, 



Who proceeds at once to tell 

 Without doubt we are the smartest men 



On Earth, in Heaven or Hell. 

 And he thoroughly disgusts us, 



'Till we oust him from our den 

 With a standing invitation 



Never to return again. 



The Lumber Salesman 



Next old Pussyfoot comes sliding in. 



With caution and great care, 

 And begins his little speechlet. 



E'en before we know he's there. 

 He is quiet, smooth and oily, 



Most persuasive of all men. 

 And we thank our stars when rid of him, 



And murmur "Ne'er again." 



Then the man with golden dollars. 



Taken freely from his hoard, 

 All tacked on face and edges 



Of each and every board. 

 His gilt edge stock, good widths and ^engths, 



No six-foot, eight or ten. 

 Is so fine that we're suspicious. 



(But he's sure to come again.) 



LOOK OUT! 



,. ..1 



Once more a salesman enters. 



But he never told the truth 

 In descriptions of his stock to you 



In all his life, forsooth. 

 The stock he's shipped has never 



Up to specifications been. 

 And you vow he'll never get you 



On his order book again. 



But here's the boy you want to see ! 



His word's as good as gold, 

 And you can trust his statements 



He has proven oft of old. 

 His word's as good as any bond, 



He stands a man with men : 

 And you're glad to give him orders. 



And you bid him "Come again.'' 



The Hardwood Man — A (air stock, good demand and satisfactory prices — but this cloud worries me. 



Awful! 



Mrs. Hornbeak (in the midst of her reading) — 

 My goodness! What's this country coming to? 

 Here Is an article headed "A Bartender to Every 

 Two School Teachers." 



Farmer Hornbeak — By hickory ! How them 

 professor to drink. — Puck. 



Al-ways Accommodating 

 "Miss Upperten, are you engaged to be married 



to the Duke de Dedbroke?" 



"No ; but here's a photograph of mine which 



you may publish, anyhow." 



—24— 



The Literal Truth 



A Kansas editor announced he would try for 

 one week to print the truth, and he is still in 

 the hospital. He didn't get by the first day. 

 The following item appeared in Monday's issue, 

 and now the boys are selling out the paper. This 

 is what he said : 



"Married, Miss Sylva Rhode to James Can- 

 naham, last Sunday evening, at the Baptist 

 church. The bride was an ordinary town girl 

 who didn't know any more than a rabbit about 

 cooking, and never helped her mother three 

 days in her life. She is not a beauty, by any 



means, and has a gait like a duck. The groom 

 is an up-to-date has-been loafer, living off the 

 old folks all his life, and don't amount to shucks 

 nohow. They will have a hard life while they 

 live together." — Sacred Heart J}evieic. 



An Object of Admiration 



"What makes you admire that man so much?" 

 "Why, don't you know him?" resj)onded the 

 timorous pedestrian. "He's the policeman who 

 stands at the corner where the automobiles are 

 thickest and never gets run over." — Washington 

 Star. 



