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Tales of the Trade 



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"JUST LIKE THE OLD MAN" 

 A few evenings ago Hendrik Booraem of the Booraem-Powell 

 Lumber Company of Minneapolis was sitting with his wife and 

 seventeen months old boy on the front porch of his home when a 

 terrific outcry from the younger child caused both parents to rush 

 into the house. In his haste Mr. Booraem left several cigars on 

 the floor and upon his return he found that Hendrik, Jr., had 

 chewed one up entirely and had bitten several large hunks from 

 two more and the porch was pretty well covered with "chewed 

 up and spit out" tobacco. The boy was not affected in the least 

 and is fully expected to be a "chip off the old block," though 

 intimate friends are still hoping for the best. 



OBEYED ORDERS 



W. H. Sill of the Minneapolis Lumber Company, owner of a fine 

 farm, officer in Hennepin Avenue Methodist Church of Minne- 

 apolis, president of the Northwestern Hardwood Lumbermen's 

 Association and a director of the National Hardwood Lumber 

 Association, recently hired a new man of all work on his farm. 



A few mornings ago the man brought Mr. Sill to the Cedar 

 avenue car line in his buggy and having some milk to deliver 

 followed the car for several blocks down Cedar avenue. Owing 

 to some unforeseen cause the car was delayed and the man caught 

 up with same. AVill called to him, "John, stop at the grocery 

 and take home a double loaf of bread and feed the chickens." 



In the afternoon Mrs. Sill 'phoned her husband to bring home 

 some bread, as the man had not done so. Mr. Sill "called him'' 

 for the omission when he returned home and was informed that 

 he had bought the double loaf and fed it to three hundreil 

 chickens. 



Sill is now afraiil that if he tells his new prize to "get a pail 

 of water and go to bed" he will find him in soak the next morning. 



NOTHING SO FUNNY AS THE TRUTH 



The average business man handling considerable correspondence 

 runs across many humorous things in his letters and a few items 

 are given below, all being actual occurrences: 



1. 



Several years ago the Payson Smith Lumlier Company of Minne- 

 apolis sent out a circular letter which was quite original in that 

 printed diagonally across the sheet in very large heavy black 

 letters was the question, "Have you seen Lee Arthur?" and in 

 smaller tj'pe a few facts were given and the statement that if the 

 enclosed postal was returned requesting it, Mr. Arthur, the Chicago 

 manager for the concern, would be glad to call. 



"Lee," who is now vice-president of the same concern, states 

 that one card came back with no signature, but bearing a Rock- 

 ford, 111., postmark, stating, "Ha must ba helluv a fellar. " Lee 

 didn't call! 



2. 



The Webster- Whipple Lumber Company of Minneapolis recentl}' 

 sent out a letter telling of the good quality of some of its hard- 

 woods and wound up by asking if it might quote. The letter 

 was returned by a Sheboygan, Wis., concern with the notation at 

 the bottom, "Yes, nobody's looking." 



3. 



John B. Ransom & Co., of Nashville, Tenn., received a letter 

 from one of their country millmen, which was closed with 

 "Yours affectionately." This speaks pretty well for his past 

 dealings with said concern, as some millmen do not feel that way 

 toward their connections. 



4. 



One of the managers of the American Lumber & Manufacturing 

 Company of Pittsburgh at one time dictated a letter in which 

 he used the expression, "We will let you in on the ground floor." 

 The letter was returned to him by his fair stenographer contain- 

 ing the statement, "We will get you down on the barn floor." 



Several years ago an eastern concern was passing through the 

 distressing period of the absence of its regular stenographer on 

 her annual vacation, and was being inflicted with "supply." A 

 letter was dictated containing the following: "Send us one car 

 load of barn boards." The order went out, "Send us one cart 

 load of barn doors." 



6. 



A. S. Bliss of the A. S. Bliss Lumber Company of Minneapolis 

 gave one of his stenographers a telegram, and upon it being re- 

 turned to him for O. K., she paused at the door and asked, "Shall 

 I send it by mail?" Mr. Bliss was too stunned to make any 

 reply but "No, send it by freight." 



7. 



A member of the staff of the Kirk-Christv Companv, formerly 

 in business at Cleveland, O., in the extreme goodness o"f his heart 

 had promised a customer of his, the purchasing agent of a large 

 Ohio corporation and whom we will call "Jones" (though that 

 was not his name) to try to secure a ticket for Mrs. Jones for 

 a trip up the lakes. The writer was convulsed on looking through 

 the letter book one day to come across this gem: "Dear Mr. 

 Jones: I have not had time to see you in some time but can 

 assure you that I have been trying for some time to get a birth 

 for Mrs. Jones, but up to the present time have been unable to 

 do so. " 



8. 

 "A few days ago," said a hardwood man, "I was looking over 

 some mail about to go out and discovered a letter which was 

 intended for "Murphy & Diggins, at Cadillac," but the girl had 

 addressed it to "Muphy & Giggins." I saved that concern some 

 mortification by making the proper change. 



9. 

 A dealer in ties and piling contributes the following: "Several 

 years ago I ordered a car of ties shipped as follows: Ship to 

 John Jones, Minnesota Transfer, Minn., via St. Louis, Wabash, 

 la. Central and M. & St. L. Rys. " Imagine my' surprise at 

 receiving a letter a few days later addressed as follows: "John 

 Jones, Minneapolis, Minn." and lower-on the envelope the further 

 address: Miflnesota Transfer, via St. Louis, Wabash, la. Central 

 and M. & St. L. Rys." I got it all right! 



OLD SAYINGS IN NEW FORM 



"It is the chestnut board that catches the worm." 



"The bottom of the pile gathers the moss." 



"High freight rates are the root of all evil." 



"Fine large piles of low-grade lumber make fine bank accounts." 



"Fools made contracts to sell low-grade lumber early in the 

 year and wise men bought it." 



"Fools rushed in and sold their lumber early while wise men 

 feared to do so and are now making the mazuma. " 



"A car of lumber short in measure and poor in gi-ade is an 

 abomination to the customer, but a full scale and fine stock is 

 his delight." 



"Moving lumber gathers no rot." 



"Firsts and seconds and culls pile together, the sawmill is the 

 maker of them all." 



ORIGIN OF THE USE OF MAHOGANY 



The first allusion to mahoganj', on record, occurred in the writ- 

 ings of Cortez in 1521 to 15-10. Mention in his record is made of 

 the use of mahogany in the building of ships for his further 

 voyages of discovery after the conquest of Mexico. Sir Walter 

 Raleigh also used mahogany in repairing his ships in the West 

 Indies. Mahogany from Jamaica was first known as cedar. It was 

 used in paneling and in the floors of the state drawing rooms, and 

 the chamber suite of Queen Ann during her first visit to Notting- 

 ham. It was even then celebrated for its hardness and beauty. 



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