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Peru Pertinent and Impertinent 



THE KING OF HARDWOODS 



People who know it 

 all usually have a lot 

 to learn. 



AHmony is the post- 

 graduate fee in the 

 course of love. 



A mule may be all 

 right as a riding ani- 

 mal, but he doesn't 

 look it. 



The pull that keeps 

 :i man out of jail will 

 not yank him into 

 heaven. 



It is difficult to con- 

 vince a self-made man 

 that he has cheated 

 himself. 



Some men never 

 • luarrel with their 

 wives because it costs 

 too much to make up. 



One might argue 

 that the naughty fish 

 that bite on Sunday 

 deserve to be caught. 



Many a man is cred- 

 ited with good judg- 

 ment who is merely a 

 fool for luck. 



If men and women 

 thought twice before 

 marrying there would 

 be fewer divorces. 



And the more a 

 woman runs after a 

 man the more he 

 would probably run 

 :ifter her if she didn't. 



Every time an ego- 

 tistical bachelor shows 

 up in society he im- 

 agines that nearly all 

 the pretty young ma- 

 trons regret their 

 haste. 



We all have troubles 

 and burdens to bear, 

 but smiles help us to 

 bear them, while 

 brooding adds to our 

 burdens. 



Do the best you can. 

 Help what you can. 

 and what you can't 

 help learn to endure 

 philosophically. 



Throw rocks at the 

 world and the world 

 will throw back rocks 

 at you. 



A man who wears 

 side whiskers is either 

 a philanthropist or a 

 four-flusher. 



The man who loves 

 his wife, his children, 

 his friends, who smiles 

 and is kind will make 

 a good angel when the 

 time comes. 



Every great business 

 started in a basement 

 or a garret. 



When a woman 

 really has more sense 

 than a man she uses 

 some of the sense to 

 conceal the fact from 

 him. 



The remark of a 

 fool often discounts 

 the unspoken thoughts 

 of a wise man. 



Sorrow ever knocks 

 at our door, but if 

 .Toy is playing the fid- 

 dle she won't come in. 



The poor man 

 dances the double 

 shuffle, glad he is 

 alive. The rich man 

 has the rheumatism 

 because he doesn't 

 exercise. 



"Is your wife enter- 

 taining this season," 

 asked Grizzly Pete. 

 "Not very," growled 

 Webb Grubb. 



A malicious truth 

 may do more harm 

 than an innocent lie. 



When a woman 

 doesn't have hor say it 

 is because she is dumb. 

 The less a man has 

 to fuss about the easier 

 it is for him to grum 

 ble. 



It is far easier to 

 accumulate a past than 

 to use it in your busi 

 ness. 



Hard luck is a ma 

 chine for testing your 

 friends ; U separates 

 the wheat from thi- 

 chaff. 



If you would criti 

 cise your boss get fully 

 a mile away from 

 I'verybody, then whis 

 pi-r to yourself 



Back on His Job 



This Story Is Always Good 

 The young man was convalescing from 

 typhoid fever, and was very hungry. The 

 doctor promised him that he should have 

 something to eat on the following day. The 

 patient knew he would not be allowed to eat 

 all he would like to, but hoped for a plate of 

 good, steaming food. 



The next day when the nurse brought in a 

 spoonful of tapioca pudding, she said: 



"Here is your dinner. The doctor says that 

 everything else you do must be in the same 

 proportion. " 



—22— 



Shortly after the nurse had a call from the 

 sick-room of the young man. 



"Nurse," he said, "I want something to read. 

 Won't you please bring me a postage stamp?" 

 — Harper's Bazar. 



An Artful Approach 

 "Son, why don't you play circus? It's great 



fun. First you make a sawdust ring." 

 "Where'll I get any sawdust, dad?" 

 "Here's the saw. Just saw some of that 



cord wood into stove lengths. You can have 



all the sawdust you make." — Louisville Cou- 



lier-Journal. 



Life Eternal 

 ■The elm lives for 200 years, the linden for 

 300, the oak lives for 500 years — " 



"And the chestnut," interrupted the other 

 halt of the sketch, "lives forever."— Kansas 

 City Journal. 



Literally True 



Father — "My daughter tells me you have all 

 kinds of money." 

 Suitor — "Yes, sir." 



Father — "May I ask what your business Is?" 

 Suitor — "I'm a coin collector." — Judge. 



