HARDWOOD RECORD 



IS 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent, 



It" you see a tall fellow ahead of a crowd. 



A leader of men, marching fearless and proud. 



And you know of a tale whose mere telling 



aloud 

 Would cause his proud head to in anguish be 



bowed, 

 It's a pretty good plan to forget it. 



Forget It. 



If you know of a skeleton hidden away 



In a closet, and guarded, and kept from the day 



In the dark : and whose showing, whose sudden 



display 

 \\'(tuld cause grief and sorrow and lifelong dis- 

 may. 

 It's a i)retty good plan to forget it. 



It you know of a thing that will darken the joy 



'If a man or a woman, a girl or a boy. 



That will wipe out a smile, or the least way 



annoy 

 A fellow, or cause any gladness to cloy. 

 It's a pretty good plan to forget it. 



Reaching the Top. 



.\ Muui is a coward 

 if he lets another 

 knock him down when 

 cdimbing. and still 

 more of a coward if 

 he tries to rise by 

 knocking another 

 down. 



Need Piruning. 



Now that foresters 

 are looking after the 

 shade-trees, why not 

 some official to -watch 

 family trees a little 

 closeff? 



The Test. 



When a woman 

 will wear unbecoming 

 clothes in the interest 

 of reform, she is cer- 

 tainly in dead earn- 

 est. 



WAKING UP TO FACTS. 



Go Slcwly. 



A .step in the right 

 direction may save 

 you from putting your 

 foot in it. 



■Very, 'Very Young. 



When a man says 

 ho knows women thor- 

 oughly, guess him at 

 about twenty-one. 



I/Ook at Home. 



It's generally your 

 own fault when peo- 

 ple give you the 

 ' ' busy ' ' signal. 



Inconsistent. 



The men who eter- 

 nally prate about the 

 evils of "booze" 

 usually wind up with 

 the boast that they 

 never tasted it. 



VVIE ALV/AYS SlzLL 



The Difference. 



Good fortune usu- 

 ally wears soft gloves 

 whou she knocks; bad 

 luck uses brass knuck- 

 les. 



AU 'Want It, 



The "fatal gift of 

 beauty ' ' is not al- 

 ways as deadly as it 

 is painted. Most wo- 

 men would take 

 chances. 



Hardwood Scalper: These associations are surely fixing things so that scalping is going 

 to be a science. 



Often. 



Bad luck is about 

 fifty per cent laziness 

 and the rest bad man- 

 agement. 



Their Long Suit. 



Some wills are very 

 hard to break, but 

 usually a lawyer is to 

 be found who can 

 succeed. 



Traditional. 

 Many an all-around 

 musician falls down 

 when it comes to the 

 horn of plenty. 



Wants to Know. 



It's a man's fu- 

 ture and a woman's 

 past in which the 

 world is interested. 



Don't 'Worry. 



Worry is the bane 

 of the age; work is 

 the antidote. 



A Strong Tie. 



Such little things 

 as ' ' stitches in time ' ' 

 keep a man good-na- 

 tured and even save 

 mauv a divorce suit. 



A pretty Christian Scientist 



Sat opposite to me. 

 Her eyes were blue, her hair was fair. 



She was gowned most charmingly. 



The way was long, tfte car was hot. 



The train some hours late. 

 Small wonder, then, my fancy stirred 



With hopes of tete-a-tete. 



^ Case of Logic. 



But how to bring the thing about 



I owned, to my confusion, 

 'Twas difficult, indeed, without 



Some warrant for intrusion. 



She pored o'er "Science and the Key" 



In prayerful meditation. 

 And I, from Mother Eddy, gleaned 



A sudden inspiration. 



I rose and said, "You'll not deny 



This logical deduction: 

 Mind over matter is supreme; 



We'll think an introduction." 



"Tour logic, sir," she sweetly said, 



"Is of the fasltless kind. 

 I'll give you absent treatment, sir; 



The smoking-car's behind." — Life. 



