HARDWOOD RECORD 



IS 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



His Absent 'Darling. 



I mourn my darling all day long; deserted by 'Tis she with laughter in her eyes who is my Hark! From afar a rasping noise comes float 

 a miiGPia insnimtinn • Ing on the breezes' 



inspiration ; 



the muses inspiration ; ing on the breezes ; 



ig, but sadly it She smiles at me and sadness flies from off my My dainty fancies it destroys, my blood it fairly 

 reservation ; freezes ; 



I try to tune my voice to son 



refuses : reservation ; freezes : 



It is my luckless lot to be condemned to useless She teaches me to cling to cheer and turn from The cheerful mood I had is gone — confound that 



futile hating, awful grating 



busy lint fretfully I linger here while she is roller Produced by shouting children on the sidewalk 

 roller skating. skating. roller skating. 



waiting. 

 My loved one will not come to me, she's 



Policy. 



The first law of 

 s e 1 f-preservation — 

 forgiveness. 



Be One of tUe Jew. 

 Gossips dislike 

 everybody who re- 

 fuses to supply them 

 ■with raw material. 



THE. VACATION SEASON. 



A Paradox. 



If you move in a 

 society round or 

 swim in a social cir- 

 cle, it's hard to 

 make ends meet! 



Simple. 



If you have a lit- 

 tle brass, it's easy 

 enough to make 

 money; just ex- 

 change it for some- 

 body's gold. 



Let Him Alone. 



A man's idea 

 of a bore is some- 

 body -who continu- 

 ally butts in when 

 he is talluug about 

 himself. 



Vulnerable Spots. 



Stuff a woman 

 with compliments 

 and a man with 

 food, and they'll do 

 most anything for 

 3'ou, if you strike 

 while the iron is hot. 



Our Age. 



No matter how 

 much we are inclined 

 to extravagant 

 speech, there 's one 

 tnmg we never exag- 

 gerate. 



Might Take Offense. 



In condoling with 

 a newly-made widow 

 it isn't in good taste 

 to tell her that her 

 hubby is better off! 



Disarmed. 



An open door lets 

 the knocker out of a 

 job. 



Plentiful. 



A secret enemy — 

 one who can't keep 

 your secrets to him- 

 self. 



Only Then, 

 islen enjoy farm- 

 ing — if they have 

 enough money to 

 hire it done. 



Look Out! 



Remorse is the 

 back-h a n d e d slap 

 Time gives the face 

 of Folly. 



Disappointed. 



The man who hunts 

 too hard for pleasure 

 is frequently too worn 

 out to enjoy it when 

 it is found. 



A Sure Sign. 

 When love becomes 

 logical, the honey- 

 moon is surely wan- 

 ing. 



Settle Down. 



Few "roving 

 blades ' ' are sharp 

 enough to cut a wide 

 swath. 



Hardwood Lumberman— The lumber business is all right— but it ain't nothin' like this! 



In Love Affaiis. 



It often happens 

 that where there's a 

 will, there's a won't. 



A Bachelor's Soliloquy. 

 To wed, or not to wed : 

 That is the question ; 

 Whether 'tis better 

 To remain single. 

 And disappoint a few women — 

 For a time ; 

 Or marry. 



And disappoint one woman — 

 For life. 



Smile. 



He who smiles. 



And laughs away 

 The little trials 



Of life today 

 Shall live to smile 



And laugh away 

 A greater trial 



.\nother day. 



Zane Thompson'. 



Precocious 'WiUle's Fate. 



Little Willie hung his sister. 

 'Twas an hour before they missed her ; 

 "Don't he do the cutest tricks'/ 

 Such a mind and only six !" 



Little Willie fell down the elevator, 

 They didn't find him till a week later ; 

 The neighbors all said. "Gee whiz I 

 What a spoiled child that Willie is !" 



W. OF O. & N. A. OF C. 



