HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Nawtliin' Doin'. 



'I'ho ancit^nts thought llio world wa.s 1I;U. 



And right thoy were ; 

 There's not a bit of doubt of that. 



I must aver. 

 They had no bridge, benighted dubs : 



No brainstorms then : 

 Tht'V hnd no cigarettes and elubs 



Like miid<'rn men. 

 They liad no chorus girls, no graft ; 



Nu rar ahead ; 

 They luid no Toraker. no Taft, 



Xo valiant Ted. 

 Tliey liad no mergers in their day. 



No rye or gin. 

 They thouLTht the world was flat, and say ! 



It must have been : 



Luck. 



Luck means risinu at six o'clock in the morning: 

 Living on a doUar a day if you can earn two: 

 Minding your own business and not meddling 



with othrr people's. 

 Luck nn'iins appointments you hjivr never failed 



In keep : 

 The trains you have never failed to catch. 

 Luck means trusting in (Jod and your own re- 

 sources. — Max O'Kkm.. 



A Wise Man. 

 li c who 111 a k s 

 ignorance pay well. 



OTHERS HAVE BEEN ASLEEP. 



Different. 



If you want to 

 please a man tell him 

 he's in his prime; 

 but don't presume to 

 say it to a woman, 

 unless you want to 

 get even for some- 

 thing. 



Few, However. 

 Some men miss a 

 lot of fun because 

 they're too wise to 

 bo foolish. 



Don't Take His 

 Word. 



When a man an- 

 nounces that he 

 "has a kick com- 

 ing," he doesn't 

 mean that it would 

 be safe for you to 

 give it to him. 



Avoids It. 



It isn 't the sin ii 

 less woman who visu- 

 ally craves the spot- 

 light. 



Make Haste. 



It's all right to 

 "think it over,'' lint 

 don't think so long 

 that the other girl 

 beats you to it. 



Insincerity. 



Few tears conic 

 from the heart ; buck- 

 ets full from the 

 eyes. 



PARI Y 



bugaboo ! 



WITH NIGHTMARE 



knew this car famine lalk was all a 



To Our Sorrow. 



Every ilog has liis 

 lay: but tlie cats 

 m o u ij (I 1 i z c the 

 nights. 



True. 



The absent are not 

 always wrong. 



Bears Watching. 



Look out for the 

 man wlio always 

 looks out for him- 

 self! 



Why Is It? 



Few jicople are con- 

 tented to think 

 ' ' poetry " — they 

 must write it out. 



Be Not Hasty. 

 The question, ''Is 

 it right to call a man 

 a liar?" may best be 

 answered by the size 

 of the man. 



Boiler Skating. 



When you take a 

 hard fall and mere- 

 ly ^reak one of the 

 commandments, you 

 get off easy! 



Forgets It. 



Every time a wom- 

 an makes a dunce of 

 a wise man he sim- 

 ply charges it up to 

 experience and lets 

 -, it go at that. 



Usually. 



Usually a man who 

 boasts of his brav- 

 ery hasn 't nerv8 

 enough to push a set- 

 ting hen off her nest. 



Oh. isn't it 2:reat to be "up-to-date" 

 And live in tliis year of grace. 



With a system and place for everything. 

 Though nobody knows the place ! 



We've an index card for each thing to do. 

 And for everything under the sun ; 



It takes so long to fill out the cards, 

 We never get anything done. 



System Run Mad. 



We've loose-leaf ledgers for saving time 

 The Lord knows w-hat they cost ; 



But half our time is spent each day 

 Hunting for leaves that are lost. 



It's sectional this and sectional that 

 I We'll soon have sectional legs). 



I dreamt last night that I made a meal 

 Of sectional ham and eggs. 



I dreamt I lived in a sectional house 

 .\nd rode a sectional "hoss." 



And drew my pay in sections from 

 A sectional "sectional boss." 



Stenographers who spell like h , 



And make us swear and cuss : 



When we are not dictating to them. 

 Why, they dictate to us. 



