HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



"Tbore is no fool like an <)ld fool I" 

 When tlio siren on him smiles 

 And around him casts the netwuflv <if her 



fascinating wiles. 

 He forgets his hoary whiskers and his MraR- 



gling lot ks of gray. 

 And in apeing yoiitli and vigor gets ridicu- 



lonsly gay. 

 Me imagines she is smillen witli liis many 



manly charms. 

 And is longing for the clasp of liis emaciated 



arms : 

 Longing for his age-dried kisses, tliat w«.'nld 



fall upon her lips 

 From a pair as far from ripeness as a pair 



of hick'ry chips. 



T/te Old Fool. 



•There is no I'ool like an old fool '." 



Though his joints he stiff and dry, 



Tiiongh of ardent manly energy and vigor lie 

 is shy. 



Though his shoulders may tie cii-opiiing and 

 his sight he growing dim. 



He imagines there's a fountain of perpi'tual 

 youth in him. 



lie will meel tile smile of siren with an age- 

 enfeebled grin. 



And will stroke the bunch of whiskei's. tiiue- 

 frostbitten on his chin, 



And his eyes will try to goo-goo. try to an- 

 swer 10 the goo 



Of the goo-goo, shy and tempting, in her eyes 

 of liquid blue. 



•■'I'here is no fool like an old fool !" 



.\s he signs each asked-for check 



Deeper sinks the dart of Cupid in the wrin- 

 kles of Ills neck. 



For the sly god when the grand dad wiili ihe 

 siren plays a part. 



.Never aims his pointed arrows at the old. 

 enfeebled heart. 



Then thi<re comes Ihe sad awakening from his 

 idiotic driTUii. 



And he learns thai lovely women are not al- 

 ways what they seem : 



As he figures up his losses, he remarks with 

 surly gruneh : 



"There is no fool like an old fool, and I guess 

 I lead the bunch '." 



Common Property. 



Anylioily possesses 

 the abilit}' to be as 

 big a fool as he 

 pieases. 



Usually. 

 When a man 's re- 

 ligion interferes with 

 his business, the 

 chances are it needs 



to. 



Poor Advertising, 

 Advertising t h e 

 shortcomiugs of 

 others Joes uot help 

 us to dispose of our 

 own. 



THE PITY OF IT. 



Tantalizing. 



A wasted oppor- 

 tunity always comes 

 home to roost. 



Mecessarily. 

 A true man is al- 

 ways a truthful man. 



Companions. 



When opportunity 

 knocks at your door, 

 responsibility stands 

 immediatelv behind. 



Hardly. 



Talk isn't neces- 

 sarily cheap when 

 money does the talk- 

 ing- 



Alike. 



The scorn of ego- 

 tism is as harmless 

 as the slur of iguo 

 ranee. 



That's AJl. 



There is only a 

 few dollars' differ- 

 ence between ennui 

 and laziness. 



Hot Air. 



Some |ieople 's wis- 

 dom all escapes at 

 the mouth before it 

 has a chance to in- 

 fluence their actions. 



Kind of 'Em. 



Popular ministers 

 avoid touching the 

 sore spots of their 

 congregations. 



Or the Manager's. 



It 's usually a 

 man '3 sense that en- 

 ables him to accumu- 

 late dollars. 



He Has the Time. 



If a man is too 

 lazy to work he sets 

 himself up :is a phil- 

 osophy dispenser. 



Easily Pleased. 



Most people who 

 are satisfied with 

 themselves d o h ' t 

 want much. 



A Separator. 



A successful finan- 

 cier is a man who 

 separates other men 

 from their h a r d- 

 earned coin without 

 using a sandbag. 



Take a Chance. 



Chances are 

 against the man who 

 refuses to take 

 chances. 



The poor little chap is just waking up to the fact that be has been riding to 

 ruin — and hasn't been driving at all. 



It Is, Indeed. 



One way to get 

 rich is by attending 

 (to one's own busi- 

 ness — but it is aw- 

 fully monotonous. 



Knows Her Subject. 



Although the law holds a man innocent 

 until he has been proven guilty, a man's 

 wife is apt to hold him guilty until lie has 

 proved his innocence. 



The Real Reason. 



Most people could get along tolerably 

 well without servants, but it would deprive 

 them of a never-failing topic of conversa- 

 tion. 



Inexcusable. 



There may be some excuse for blowing 

 about what you have done in this world, but 

 surely there is none for bragging about 

 wliat you arc going to do. 



