14 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Money may not make men happy, 



Money may not make men wise ; 

 Money may not, when it's gloomy. 



Cause the clouds to leave the skies. 

 Money may not bring cool breezes, 



When the trying days are hot ; 

 Money may not give men gladness, 



Hut it always helps a lot. 



The Futility of Wealth. 



Money may not make us healthy. 



Money may not make us great ; 

 Money may not make them love us 



Who have cause to cherish hate. 

 Money may not serve to cleanse us 



When we've smeared ourselves with shame ; 

 Money may not bring us glory, 



But it's helpful, just the same. 



Money may not quench our sorrows, 



Money may not ease our pains : 

 Money may not cause tlie dampness 



To diminish when it rains : 

 ilonoy may not bring the maidens 



Who are fairest to bestow 

 All their sweetest smiles upon us — 



It is very helpful, though. 



The Old Maid Again. 

 It was an old maid 

 who said she'd 

 rather be regarded 

 as one, than as the 

 better half of a fool. 



ENTIRELY SATISFIED. 



A Potent Argument. 



Campaign funds is 

 usually a very., good 

 argument for a can- 

 didate to put up on 

 election day. 



Inconsistent. 



The discovery of a 

 corkscrew in the 

 pocket of a prohibi- 

 tionist might be 

 termed circumstan- 

 tial evidence. 



Yes, Indeed. 



And even the man 

 who is good for 

 nothing is good for 

 something — as a hor- 

 rible example, for 

 instance. 



Uuappreciative. 



Though from the 

 beginning of time 

 woman has freely 

 given to man a piece 

 of her mind, the man 

 was never found who 

 appreciated the gift. 



Unsophisticated. 



Don't kick at be- 

 ing taken at your 

 word — there are still 

 some people in the 

 world who have faith 

 in humanity. 



Alike. 

 Water seeks its 

 own level, and so 

 do brains. 



The Only Season. 



The average man 

 spends so much of 

 his tinif trying to 

 cover up his past 

 that he hasn 't a 

 chance to boast of 

 his future. 



True. 



It takes a brave 

 man to marry for 

 money, but a braver 

 one to marry with- 

 out it. 



Appropriate. 



(lossips might be 

 v je r y appropriately 

 termed misfortune 

 tellers. 



As Others See Us. 



What a miserable 

 crowd of pessimists 

 we would be if we 

 could see ourselves 

 as others see us. 



Poor Show. 



All men are cre- 

 ated equal, but a boy 

 has only one chance 

 in 40.000,000 of 

 growing up to be 

 President. 



Even More So. 



It 's always well 

 for the business man 

 not to forget that 

 collections are as es- 

 sential as sales. 



This is the first summer vacation I ever had when prices advanced enough 

 during my absence to pay for it. 



Overseasoned. 



It has been said 

 that human imper- 

 fections add spice to 

 life, but too many 

 lives are overseasoned. 



The world bestows its big prizes in money 

 and in honors for but one thing — initiative. 

 "What is initiative? It consists in doing the 

 right thing without being told. The next 

 best thing to doing a thing without being 

 told is to do it when you are told once. 

 Some people never do a-thing until the_y are 



To Which Class Do You ■Belong? 



told twice; such get no honors and small 

 pay. Then there are those who do the right 

 thing only when necessity kicks them from 

 behind. This class spends most of its time 

 jjolishing a bench with a hard-luck story. 

 Still lower down in the scale is the fellow 

 who will not do the right thing even when 



someone goes along to show him how, and 

 stays to see that he does it; he is always 

 out of a job, and receives only the contempt 

 he deserves, unless he has a rich pa, in 

 which case destiny patiently waits arouud 

 the corner with a stuffed club. — Elbert Hub- 

 bard. 



