HARDWOOD RECORD 



13 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Because. 

 "He's fast, I'm told," the widow imised. 



"Yet I'll marry him some day, 

 Because I've got him — well, so fast. 



He really cannot get away." 



" Tainted Money.' ' 

 A curate — somewhat of a saint — ■ 

 Sought fuuds liis small chapel to paint, 

 -Vnd with every donation 

 \\*ent this conversation ; 

 "1 liope it aiu't tainted?" 

 "It ain't." 



Troublesome Pruits. 

 .\n apple, you know, caused the sorrow and strife 

 That overtook Adam and Eve, his sweet wife ; 

 When / get in trouble, the fates I beseech 

 That it will be just on account of a "peach. " 



A Friend in Need. 



A friend in need is 

 a friend to steer 

 clear of. 



Even That. 



Mules have one 

 characteristic that is 

 admirable; they re- 

 fuse to be influenced 

 by flattery. 



Tomorrow. 



Wrapped up in the 

 Tvord tomorrow is the 

 cause of a great 

 many failures. 



Time to Borrow. 



In fair weather 

 there 's no difficulty 

 in borrowing an 

 umbrella. 



Then. 



The master's back 

 shows the seri'ant's 

 true face. 



Get Busy. 



The busy man is 

 immune from the 

 wiles of his satanie 

 majesty. 



A Definition. 



The ideal exist- 

 ence: Either the way 

 we used to live or the 

 way we are going to 

 live some time. 



How Many! 

 How man y wo- 

 men 's reputation as 

 a good wife hangs 

 upon her husband 's 

 buttons! 



■Why? 



You can trust a 

 great many more 

 men with your money 

 than with your repu-, 

 tation. 



THE HARDWOOD RECORD'S PUZZLE PICTURE. 



In the above sections of portraits will be found the picture of the next President of the 

 National Hardwood Iiumber Association- To the first subscriber of the Hardwood Record 

 who correctly assembles these sections and delivers the picture to this office will be pre- 

 sented copies of the inspection rules of the National Hardwood Iiumber Association and 

 of the Hardwood Manufacturers' Association of the United States, handsomely bound in 

 one Tolnme. with asbestos covers. Only one ?uess ^oes. 



Never Fails. 

 The surest way in 

 the world to make 

 enemies is to hire 

 friends. 



Popular! 



The more a man 

 owes the more he's 

 apt to be sought af- 

 ter. 



. They Conflict. 



When truth and 

 honesty are strongly 

 characteristic, diplo- 

 macy usually is lack- 

 ing. 



They Think So. 



All men think they 

 help others more than 

 others help them. 



Nothing. 



Nothing is harder 

 for an ignorant man 

 to say than "I 

 don 't know." 



Talk's Cheap. 

 Many men are 

 charitable — when it 

 comes to giving ad- 

 vice. 



The Keason. 



Truth is stranger 

 than fiction because 



there is less of it. 



The Extremes. 

 No man is as bad 

 ns his enemies paint 

 liini, nor as good as 

 liis sweetheart knows 

 he is. 



Only There. 

 Every little frog is 

 great in his own bog. 



Companion Traits. 



F.-iiiltless people 

 are usually force- 



Not Last. 



The man who hesitates to be first can be 

 sure that he will not be last in the list of 

 failures. 



Cloaked. 



How much immorality is effectively con- 

 cealed under the term "broad-mindedness! " 



Helps Some. 



When a man's bound to marry a fool, it 

 helps some to choose a good-looking one. 



Much Better. 



It's all riglit to say nothing but good 

 111 out tile (lc:i(l, hut how much better to ap- 

 jly tills rule to tlif living. 



Just Criticism. 

 Mole jieople are criticized for assumed 

 virtues tluui for any real faults. 



True to His Trust. 



The man that made a million out of a 

 combine. 



Actions Speak Iioud. 



The best arguments for a religion are 

 found not in books, but in the lives of its 

 adherents. 



Few Friends. 



A man who is a friend only to himself has 

 few other friends. 



Never Kicks. 

 The undertaker is the one man who never 

 complains of being worked to death. 



